IanG

My mother passed away when I was in my 50s and that was hard enough. It must be worse loosing her when very young yourself. I've learned to get by without her, it took time and help from friends but it can be done. Its hard but possible. I hope you come to terms with your loss.

This is a vivid evocation of a more innocent time. A lot of mature people will relate to it. Well done.

You evoke the knight's mental state very well, I felt sorry for him. If you develop this further, you could describe soldiers in industrial age armies reaction to the knight. They would be shocked and bewildered by his appearence.

People can be affected in the way you evoke here. The thing is people don't always show us everything about themselves. Someone can present a perfect image of themselves, at school, work or on social media and have issues or setbacks they don't talk about. Don't think you're alone in failing to measure up.

I hope this isn't your experience in real life. If so then don't go too far the other way as being too thin damages your health. If you went to a doctor they would have to keep anything you told them a secret. You won't be alone, a lot of people worry about their weight and appearence.

If its not your experience then hopefully it will make people think about an important issue. Either way you do right in putting this online.

The introduction is believable and relatable. I might've put 'what kind of tat they've got me this year, not 'what kind of chaos.' It feels more appropriate for inanimate objects. Othetwise its well written.

As to the wierd developments, much depends on what's coming next before we can judge those. It should encourage fans of fantasy to read on.

You describe the setting very well and the banter reads plausible. If you develop it further, show how distraught your protagonists family are at her disappearence. That adds emotional richness and credibilitu.

A lighthearted but interesting idea. This should go down well with youngsters at Christmas.