United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
The glass metephore is a good one.
You evoke the human characters very well. You also describe the birds and the setting vividly. There are people like Dobson, and people like Arthur. A clash ending in violence is quite possible.
You evoke the characters and the setting with great skill. The clash of values rings true.
Fresh flowers that smell etherial, brought in from the garden" reads better than "fresh flowers brought in from the garden that smell etherial." Otherwise your descriptions are excellent. A simple story but beautifully told.
The frustrations you're describing are quite common for writers and other people too. That doesn't make it all right but it means people can do their best and carry on despite the issues. The clay metaphore is good.
A lot of writers feel like this at times. I sometimes do. For a recent story I wstched a documentary about lifeboat crews, then used a similat scenario in my story 'Dark Midwinter Night.' The story took a respectable number of hits but not as many as some of mine and not as many as I hoped for. Pethaps I didn't convey all I wanted to. What do other people think?
'They thought it couldn't get any worse but it did" reads bettet than 'it couldn't get any worse but it did.'
Ahmed could ask who took his blanket. He need not be annoyed but only curious. If someone else was cold in the night it would be natural to ask who that was, if not in anger then with concern.
If he confronts an obstical or two when fleeing the ghost it raises the tension. If his horse stumbles or slips that would add to the excitement. You could have them recover quickly and race on. If he panics and so gets lost while escaping, again there's more tension. His friends could come and find him.
Keep practising at your writing.