Reviews Given
No need to apologise for this piece, its a convincing evocation of someone starting a new school and there are only a limited number of basic plots. The ending should make people want to know more.
Perhaps you could've written English translations of the part that's in Indonesian, but don't let that small point put you off.
Overall a good introduction. You could've described the dogs in a little more detail: are they any particular breed? What kind of weapons does she see? Not everyone will have seen the Hunger Games, but I get the drift of your piece.
There's no shame in being afraid or worried from time to time, but we musn't let it take over our lives. I'm s grown man and I worry at times. Only idiots never worry at all, but its possible to have bad times and come out the other side.
You are right in saying that problems don't end when the war is won. A lot of fantasy stories are based on that assumption, but it seldom works like that in real life.
Eden goes from being overpowered to killing everyone rather quickly. If he's trying to fight his way to your narrator but it takes him time to reach her, that's more consistent.
You've expressed what a lot of young peope feel at your age. I don't have a nice easy answer but I'll say this. You're not alone, some people set standards for others that few if any of us measure up to, and kindness, intelligence and creativity matter as well as what you look like.
I like the descriptions of Everist, you've done well there. You could've added details of how Hillary was feeling, like aching legs or gasping for breath. When he makes it try saying he felt exhilerated or triumphant. Back then he might have been discouraged from showing emotions but he could still have felt them deep inside himself.
'A reputation with the locals' not 'in the locals.' That or 'a reputation in the area.'
You evoke the setting and the characters past experiences well. I like the way they think they've debunked the myth only to realise they havn't.
Overall your descriptions are good. Just one thing, 'clutched' the guitar would be better than 'engulfed.' If you engulf something you cover it completely. One hand would'nt cover the whole guitar. Otherwise well done.