United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
These are good descriptions and an interesting premise. I hope you keep writing.
You describe two convincing characters with just a few words. It takes a lot of skill to do that.
You keep saying the same thing several times, not least how hortrible the monster is. You can say it only a few times and we get the message. When severed heads arrive in a box we can see this thing is violent. You tell us our hero was born to a peasant, then he wasn't nobly born. Its clear he's not if his parents were peasants.
The plot will appeal to lovers of fantasy, just try to avoid over writing
I'm glad you can see the positive side of your mother and yout relationship. I hope you continue to heal. Some things will never be the same again, but we learn to deal with it. I wish you didn't have to learn so young but it can be done.
You wrote a tense buildup as she tried and failed to kill him. I wondered how she was going to get out of it.
'More thoroughly' didn't feel right in that context. 'More forcefully' or 'more severely' would've conveyed Mum's determination better. I hope this proves helpful.
This is a moving poem with a lot of good imagery. If its written from experience I hope things get better for yoi soon. Good times don't last forever but niether do bad times.
Children will probably like how the parrot goes from zero to hero. It would take more than 20 parrots to right the ship but you're using a surreal premise all along so you might get away with it. Its a nice twist at the end.
You describe both the main character and the setting very well. I hope this story gets a lot more hits.