J.A. Nolan

I honestly wanted to like this story, because I enjoy werewolf stories, but you desperately need an editor. I couldn't even get through the interview at the beginning of the story.

You overuse dashes and elipses. It makes your sentences choppy and confusing, when they should be simple and flowing. There are other minor grammar and pacing issues as well.

The characters have odd made-up names, which makes the whole thing automatically awkward and then confusing when there is dialogue.

The main characters reaction to being hearded into a van in the middle of the night for an interview is unrealistic at best. No woman would be stupid enough to meet a complete stranger in a park, alone, at night. She never even got a name before she decided to go with them to another unknown location? Most women would run in the opposite direction. Especially a grown adult who should have more sense. Then, she is entirely too blase about not getting straight answers to her questions in the van. Her inner dialogue is weird, and kind of silly, for the situation.

During the interview it gets even more confusing when the two of them are being all cryptic about what is and isnt a question. Then other characters start interrupting them.

You need to work on character development and descriptions. I couldn't tell one from the other and kept forgetting the characters names.

You are trying to tell an origin story that keeps getting interrupted with stuff that makes no sense, by characters that are nothing more than a name on the page. I had to keep rereading it to figure out who was saying what, and trying to figure out how many charters were in the room, and which one had which weird name.

After the third reread, I realized the whole thing was probably more of the same, so I decided not to bother reading 10,000 or so more words. It was giving me a headache.

I imagine others will probably have similar misgivings about reading such a long story. I'd be happy to try reading your story again after its been thoroughly edited.