SANDMAN

This is a charming piece which, at first, I thought appropriate for a young child. A type of fairy tale if you will. But, as I read on, I changed my mind. It’s all-age appropriate and a lesson for all of us to be more cognizant and appreciative of our surrounds not only of flora and fauna but also, and probably more importantly — folks around us.

The pace and structure of this delightfully fresh metaphor is as close to perfect as I believe possible.

The writing is fluent and readable.

This sentence caused me to pause: The sapling never noticed the shadow of hollowed, reflective look in the eyes of the tree. I know the meaning of those words but the combination in this setting left me wondering.

The narrative voice perfectly captures the two characters. Descriptions effortlessly create a vivid and strong setting.

A little nit picking on my part . . .

Somewhere there are two ?? I'm of the mind that one is sufficent.

One word needs correcting in this paragraph:

In-fact her nights were still dark and petrifying, but she had noticed his dead braches during the days, and knew it was too heavy a price for the tree to pay.

There also is one “ somewhere which seems out of place - should be changed to ‘.

The poetry in writing is the illusion it creates.

The Sampling and the Tree fits perfection with this quote.

Ciao,
JT

This piece cannot be quickly read – that is a certainty. To do so is to miss the layer upon layer of meaning collected in simple phrasing. For those readers with inner eyes and ears, listen and observe carefully to what is offered or you will miss a treasure.
I question the use of the word ‘savior.’ I sense the Absolute skillfully weaving its way through the yin, yang, and twilight zones we all travel through on our way to perfection.
When the soul reaches perfection, it has perfect recall of all life experiences. The 822 words contained herein testify to that truth. The author will laugh and disagree as well he should, nevertheless.
A little nit-picking:
Their faces may be haggard, but their (they) carry an inner calmness.
Over the eons, I have leant (learnt) another secret about them.
I give it five stars which hardly seems adequate.
Ciao
JT

This piece is another jewel from a mind that sees far beyond the pall of the mundane. The pace necessary to enjoy its perfection is interrupted a number of times through no fault of the writer. The fault lies in the language limitations one faces in bringing ethereal observations to the written word.

After several readings it becomes obvious that nature is far better equipped to communicate within its realm than humans are within theirs.

The last paragraphs of the combatant is the most compelling and damning indictment to our so-called civilization of today. It is a clear mandate that we had better change our ways, using nature as a guide, before we disappear in the rubble of our own making.

Nitpicking: I nitpick because of the tiny things that imped the perfect flow of words. Some may say they are insignificant and should be overlooked. I say a flaw in a diamond is a flaw in a diamond.

Key: NN= not necessary

Unevenness of paragraph separation is distracting. I thought at first there might be a reason for this but discovered none.

The trees give way, so [that](NN) the seedlings grow sheltered ---

It reacts to emotions, and transforms its cleansing skills through sentience of others.---
SENTIENCE is not a familiar word to the average reader. It becomes a stumbling block to the pace of the piece. The East and West look at this word in different ways, i.e. distinction between thinking and feeling versus respect and care. I’m not certain either definition is applicable to this sentence. The author needs to clarify.

the whiff of body odor, their contentment. –
body odor is the wrong term for the meaning intended. Body odor to the western mind is an odor produced by uncleanliness. I believe the author is referring to the natural scent lovers produce by their individual pheromones. Using the word scent or one similar will clarify the sentence.

Their thoughts glided through the winds, the serenity of touch anchored their feelings. –
The word glided is correct but is seems too modular. I’m thinking the word wafted may enhance the flow of the sentence.

would chuckle in anticipation;
I don’t know that a child is capable of chuckling. He certainly would squeal with joy in this instance.

except fling onto the bed and stay
This is correct, however, except fling herself onto the bed -- may be smoother.

In-fact – hyphen not necessary

Five stars is totally inadequate for this pinnacle of truth.
Ciao, JT

WOW, what an adventure and in only 8,559 words. The characters in this story are so authentic and engaging I felt I was tagging along with Albert the entire way. The story was so utterly plausible I looked forward to what was going to happen next – always wondering if Albert was going to make out alive or not.

The pace of the tale was perfect throughout. The narrative voice was distinctive and original in all of its various tones. The style of expression perfectly captured every detail. The dialogue of all characters read authentically. The emotional tug of war waged inside Albert's head had me hanging on tenterhooks.

But it was the author’s power of observation and description which took this tale out of the ordinary and elevated it into the extraordinary. It evoked the ever changing mood and atmosphere as we traveled from the beginning to the end. I was out of breath when Albert finally fell into the hands of his brothers.

The structure, punctuation, spelling - everything is at should be. Five stars hardly seems adequate for this beautiful piece of writing.
Ciao, JT

This is the funniest short story I've read in a very long time.

I actually laughed out loud which I rarely do. The last line almost had me rolling on the floor.

It was succinct, I worked in a drug store years ago so the setting came back to mind instantly. I could envision these two people going through this scenario as a matter of fact with no embarrassment whatsoever. Definitely five stars.
Ciao
JT

It may not, as you say, be your best, but it is the truth behind the words of this story that struck me. A reader can't ask for any more than that.

I'm 78 and deal with this uncompromising urge to write every day. The worst is when the dreaded 'writer's block' prevails. The minutes, and hours, and days drag on and on.

And then, suddenly, I'm writing again and once again there aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week.

I give this five stars for heeding the prodding to get it down on paper. I think of how many jewels are lost because writers do nothing because they don't think it's good enough. I say poppycock - write! and then write some more.

Ciao,
JT

Outside of the fact that you don't have spellcheck on your computer and that your wound up tighter than a virgin at a prison riot, you have the most wonderful imagination.

I keep thinking how wonderful this would be if it were captured in cartoon animation.

I found it refreshing, a trip to OZ or never never land with a slightly dizzy Peter Pan at the helm.

When they release you from the State Home for the Bewildered, I hope you keep writing more in this genre.

I'm giving you five stars because it is true brilliant.

Ciao, JT

The story in itself is good, beautiful, insightful, but the addition of 'Aunt' made it so perfect, words fail me.
Ciao
JT