United States • 59 y/oReviews Received
You have an interesting premise, but need a longer piece to develop it further. If Rose is in love with Billy she should make more effort to get him back. Does she go to his house only to find he's moved and didn't tell her? Does Billy have a relative or a friend who thinks less well of her and obstructs her? Later on, does Billy's wife or child take against Rose? That would make for a more spirited character and more emotional complexity.
I can almost believe it.
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Taonga Mutambo Jr
"THE WORLD WRITES AWARDS"
CHIEF EDITOR
This is a plausible, evocative story. Thanks for sharing it.
There was a lump in my throat as I read the ending.
That was incredible! I really felt the emotion and I feel so happy for them! I can't stop using exclamation points! That was truly worth reading!
You could've told us more about what you and Charlie did together, games you played, music you listened to and so on. That would be a more subtle way of showing his character. That said, there are good descriptive passages here and the nostalga is heartfelt. Many people will relate to the theme of a warm but lost friendship.
I'm glad Wolf made it in the end.
I'd have put a little more suspense in the opening blurb. I'd have put 'will he turn his life around?' instead of saying he does. The actual story is good.