United Kingdom • 55 y/oReviews Received
This is so good! Love the ending!
I wouldn't hate if you wrote a part 2 :)
The twist is quite satisfying!
A vividly written story! Emotion jumps right out of the words! Wonderful!
wow this was a wonderful story
The photo with the lone bird you chose for this piece was perfect. It set the mood before I read word one.
I read the piece twice. Technically it was close to perfect. Several commas missing or misplaced — the bain of every writer. Overall this piece was a good example of a mind wandering through loss. It rambled in the right places, giving it an authentic flavor. It flowed with an even keel to the very end. It was at the end I realized there was something missing. Keep in mind this is just my opinion.
It was that moment of fist-pounding, hair-tearing, glass-breaking, gut- wrenching when the reality of the loss stepped out of the shadows of the narrator's mind and stood naked before her.
The passion of her grief as she expelled the hurt and loss in a rage of tears was missing along with those final moments when she held his bathrobe to her face and inhaled the last of his scent.
That would have been the perfect topping to a good piece of writing.
If it had been there I would have happily given this 100 stars. I hope you will consider a rewrite. This piece is good as is but could be brilliant. Ciao, JT
Agonising, mesmerising, and then, out of nowhere, somehow gratifying. It is absolutely rare to see such abstract thoughts written with such simplistic clarity.