Bangladesh • 21 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
I liked the point of the poem and how you developed it. I feel like if you were to use more meaningful words, you'd get across the emotion that comes along with this subject, and it'd really connect more.
As we discussed, the original opening to your story had merit, but also had some problems. It is nice to see that the edits I suggested have been incorporated into the story. I hope you will take what you have learned into the rest of the story as you write it... :-)
The style of this piece puts me in mind of a old-fashioned ballad or love poem. For one so young to be writing in this style is surprising as it takes a great deal of skill to pull it off effectively.
You have done a fair job, but it is far from perfect. However, for someone who is not a native English speaker, it is a remarkable achievement nonetheless. Well done!
Brilliantly written! Glorious! Great use of words and imageries! I can imagine all this stuff happening. The way you write is fabulous. Starting the story with such a serene description of nature makes the story so irresistible.
Your somewhat over-the-top and melodramatic delivery rather undermines the message you are trying to impart. Toned down a little this could be an impressive poem, but for me - as it stands - it is far too much...
I am a fan of experimental works, but when it is so 'out there' as to be meaningless it undermines whatever you are attempting to achieve. There is little in your poem that allows readers to engage with your words, which is a pity. Poetry should invoke some sort of reaction other than leaving people wondering what the heck they have just read :-0
You are better than this effort. Not your finest hour, in my opinion :-)
