United Kingdom • 51 y/oReviews Received
???
Really? I can make no sense of these few lines at all. Am I missing something?
Very strange... :-)
Whilst I appreciate the somewhat surrealist and esoteric nature of your work, the use of incorrect words and bad spelling is inexcusable ('there' instead of 'their' for instance) .To 'erode' means to rub or wear away; how does that word fit in with your poem???
It's all very well being clever and arty - but you still have to do the basics right.
I like some of the imagery and imaginative use of metaphors, like "I'm a forgotten picture frame." Overall, however, it's rather glum and self-pitying, and it seems a bit lazy with phrases like "I'm just so lonely."
Hmm...
To be honest my first impression after reading this poem is that it is 'self-pitying': someone begging forgiveness for committing suicide. It left me feeling a little put-out by it as it just doesn't feel right.
It's not a bad poem, just the subject matter that doesn't work for me.
Ah, just the thing to put a smile on anybody's face. Terrific.
Please be careful with your spelling...
This is a nice piece. It seems like it could work well as an illustrated children's story. Well done.
