India • 29 y/o • MaleReviews Received
What a pity you spoiled an otherwise engaging story with this out-of-place line:
"Vaishnav! You good for nothing twat! I'm trying to teach an important derivation here!"
Surely your vocabulary could have come up with something less jarring and offensive than the word 'twat'? It's not the word I object to, more its use in this piece. You write so well - almost poetically at times - yet throw in this crudity without rhyme or reason. It does nothing for the story and certainly does not reflect well on you as a writer.
Regrettably it is this I will remember most about your story rather than the more important (and interesting) point you were trying to make.
Unfortunately TWO issues put me off reading the full story: the use of digits in the piece which is discouraged (as per the site's Submission Guidelines, which you appear to have not read...)
Secondly, the unnecessary repeated use of the professors' qualifications in brackets was also extremely annoying. This is a piece that has tried to be a little too clever for its own good - and has fallen rather flat I'm afraid.
With some judicious editing and reworking this could be a much better story than it is at present. You have some talent that much is clear. Do, though, be a little more careful with your work as you do yourself no favours with silly errors :-)
nice simple and short.....maybe you can make it one page and make it more impressionable ..
Words very nicely done. I love Peacocks so much I even wrote a book on it.
This is good :-)
Just a simple thing to note: if you're going to leave dots at the end of a sentence the norm is to leave three...
Overall, a really good effort.
i enjoyed reading this story.Once started had to end it.loved it :)
This is such an inspiring sad story! I love it.
Beautiful. This is relatable to a lot of people. Surely it is worth being one.