India • 25 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Brilliant! An amazing and compelling story from start to finish. I wondered if the white light was some kind of alien or UFO, or a being from another dimension. Keep up the great work! Well done.
Interesting vignette but there are quite a few errors here, especially in terms of dialogue punctuation and grammar. I also wonder what the point of this vignette is. What are you trying to say with it? You're dedicating two paragraphs to your narrator seeing strange lights, which obviously makes the reader curious. And then you just end the whole thing saying that no one ever found out what it was. I feel cheated.
What comes across clearly is that English is not your first language. Even so, you are to be congratulated on managing to correctly write dialogue, which so many native English speakers regularly fail to do...
You've written an interesting, but somewhat rushed, story, which leaves it with a rather unfinished feel. There are gaps in your narrative that needs filling-out and explaining more thoroughly. However, as a first attempt, this is still a fair one. :-)
The story is a good idea. However there were many errors, luckily they're very easy to fix. I noticed that your dialogue was a little mixed up, every time someone else talks you start a new line. Like this...
"How's you're day Julia?" Tom asked
"Very well thank you for asking" Responded Julia
Other than that the story was pretty good. I hope to see more from you.