United Kingdom • 37 y/o • MaleReviews Given
For your age and given location, this is good. Well done to you. Some points to note, however:
- Try to always use uppercase 'I' when referring to yourself. "I am" instead of "i am"
- Apostrophe for "I'm" because it is shorthand for "I am".
- "I don't want be scared all the time" should be "I don't want to be scared all the time".
- I think "I can't even remember how happiness was like..." should be "I can't even remember what happiness was like..."
- Also, full stops go at the end of the sentence instead of commas (check your final sentence).
An elegant poem covering the thing that clouds over most people's mind at some point in their life; death.
It's okay, but I'm with Apemann on this one. Needs work on punctuation. Excessive commas and fullstops, too. Also, try using a line down (shift + enter) instead of paragraphing each line.
Definitely a premise for a continuation. An intriguing build-up for the main plot line. I hope that you write more.