United Kingdom • 54 y/oReviews Received
I almost gave up on this one at the start due to the (wholly unnecessary) repetition of the words 'The List' in bold letters. Once or twice would have made the point far more effectively than the Five times you used it...
However, I rad on and found myself amused. As a committed dog-lover I was easily able to imagine the scenario you draw, having also been confounded by tin cans that would not easily open!
A good, comic piece that would benefit from one or two minor tweaks to make it wonderful. Good work!
Ohh, excellent!
I loved this. The beginning in particular reminded me of The Catcher in the Rye. The way you developed the character throughout the story was magnificent, and also, I think this is a real thing which people can easily connect with!
Extremely good work... However, I would like to point out two areas for you to improve:
- Imagery.
- The character acted a little too sentimental considering his previous thoughts.
Wow!! It sounds great! I knew it was a father or stepfather at about the third paragraph, but that's just because I have read things like this. There are a few grammar errors, but besides that it's great!
Amazing!! I tend to avoid reading things about different religions (it just makes me uncomfortable), but that was great and changed my whole prospective! Good luck for the future!
Wow. I almost fell over. That was great!! Please do write more like this!!
Wow! Great!
One thing, the ending was a little confusing. Was the narrator playing the guitar or the version of himself playing the guitar?
It encaptured me like light (it would make sense if you knew me)! I hope I get to hear more!
