lol⁷

i love this story!!!!

vague, but fantastical. well done!

this was so cute. I loved it!

I agree that this could be outstanding if developed further. Obviously, it seems a little confusing at first as we are bombarded with so many fantasy characters so quickly, but there is an awful lot of good stuff here to work with.... Please stick with it and tell us some more.....

I loved this story; one of the best I've read here to date. Well done!

The only thing I don't really like about this is the stealing diapers part. There wasn't really a precedent for that, and I guess I could have missed something..... It just doesn't share the dream-like memory aesthetic the rest of this has. I love the last two paragraphs, though. They bring everything full circle, and that's awesome.

This has the unmistakable feel of high fantasy, with multiple races mentioned in chapter one, and just a general vibe of a huge world to learn more about. It's cool! It's a little vague at some parts, and SOME of the dialogue seems a little forced, but those are minor complaints, and they come along with early drafts! This is really good, and I have to ask.... what was the teacher expecting? They gave you a D? Were they asking for nonfiction or something?!?!

Spectacular writing! Who said this deserved a D?! Teachers, man..., *shakes head*
Anyway, you could be the next big fantasy writer with this gorgeous prose and style! And the cliffhanger... OoO!