United States • 24 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
This is a great story! Although, it would be better if there were chapters. It seems like there should be more. Like, how her parents died, for example, and about her Aunt. There were a few grammar mistakes that can be easily fixed.
Other than that, I enjoyed this short story. Good job!
Oh dear. I do wish you had taken the time to CHECK THIS THROUGH before submitting it. It's littered with grammar and spelling errors, which totally undermines it. There is the germ of a half-decent story idea here, but your clumsiness and - sorry to say - laziness has ruined it.
One of the Golden Rules of writing poetry is that if you have to 'force' a rhyme, then it's not going to work. there are one or two examples in this poem whereby that yardstick is clearly in evidence. Which is a pity, as the poem - overall - is quite good.
Please also remember to NOT use slang or colloquialisms in your work. YOU might know what you mean, but others may not, especially international (or non-English speaking) readers.
Okey, here's my review:
Positive - really got the audience wondering what will happen next and the pot line is going slow enough to get the setting started and gave the reader a sense of what's happening.
Negative- it seems that in some places you forgot to read over the text and it was hard to follow what a few mistaken words meant. I advise reading over it out loud.
(I'm trying the whole criticism thing - am I good at it yet?)
Great so far!! Please do write more! -KP
It's great. The ending is fine the way it is, but there are some parts that seem a little choppy or out of place. Doing great!
This is brilliant!! I love this so much!!!
I sort-of get where you're coming from with this one, but the leap from heartbreak to 'monster' isn't really explained or clear, which is a shame. However, another good offering :-)
This really opens up my mind and makes me think. The world really is a place of horrors and mischief, but you cannot forget the love and beauty. Everything in life can and will be made in a way that will pleasure the human kind, but it is a judge of character to try and avoid the things we know have no profit.
The world has only gotten worse, but as we look around things have also gotten better. A man becomes too drunk to see straight, but his car won't start when he is in that state. A child is abused at home, but there are counselers and helpers standing outside their door, waiting for the call for help.
So even though the world might seem so bad, with every heartbreak there comes a promise. Stay strong!
-KP