United States • 23 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Oh dear. I do wish you had taken the time to CHECK THIS THROUGH before submitting it. It's littered with grammar and spelling errors, which totally undermines it. There is the germ of a half-decent story idea here, but your clumsiness and - sorry to say - laziness has ruined it.
This is a great story! Although, it would be better if there were chapters. It seems like there should be more. Like, how her parents died, for example, and about her Aunt. There were a few grammar mistakes that can be easily fixed.
Other than that, I enjoyed this short story. Good job!
I agree with your response to Appeman. Sometimes critism can take a sharp turn, stab you in the back, and leave you bleeding inside.
Besides a few grammar errors, it's great! I wanna hear a ton more from this! It's a great start! Please, please, please continue!!!!
-KP
Interesting vignette. Read up on how dialogue punctuation works in fiction because it's incorrect here.
Does heartache make one a monster? In that case the world is only populated by monsters, which is a bit ... untrue.
I feel like it was kind of rushed, but it was still a very good story :) It left me speechless too
