TheForgotten

The overall idea of the story is good, and the rhyme overall was good but there were patches where the beat of the poem was a little off. Otherwise a cute piece

I love the idea of this. The broken man and the girl who puts him back together. There are quite a few grammatical errors but I'm guessing English isn't your first language so it's understandable, if you wanted to check some stories I've found there is a grammatical error checker in the writing forum (I'm not sure what else you would call it). Overall it was a good story it just needs a little clean up. Great job! Please do continue to contribute to this site.

It is easy to understand why you were upset. It is easy to feel like no one cares, we all experience that, it's a part of life. But the important part is knowing that there is always going to be someone who will care. It is unfortunate how your mother reacted to the situation, but perhaps she is just as afraid as you are. Hang in there!

It's a good poem. There are a couple grammatical errors however that make some lines a little difficult to read. Overall it's a good poem.

Hang in there it gets better!

A very personal story. Don't doubt your work so much, have a little confidence! Besides if you're looking to improve just keep writing, you'll learn from experience.

As far as loving your best friend, I understand having other feelings rather than friendship (perhaps not quite as intense as love). It's best to tell them, I know it may be scary but you have to put it out there how you feel or they'll never know. It's horrible to be stuck wondering what 'could've been'. Besides, if she doesn't like you and she's mature about it you two can continue being friends. It's a little awkward at first but it gets better. Hang in there buddy!

I noticed this story is tagged as Non-Fiction I'm so sorry for your loss.

Feeling guilt in this situation is understandable, but sometimes hard decisions need to be made. Although your mother (I'm guessing this is true) did not want the operation, it seems that it was needed, you tried your best and that's all you could have done. Do not feel guilty for what you couldn't do, be proud of what you could do, and be happy of the memories you have with your mother, even though it may be hard. Hang in there

I thought the story was rather good in my opinion. I liked the theme of this piece, you had very good description. I don't think it got to a point of unbearable 'preachy' tone. Keep writing, I like the direction this story is going!