United States • 22 y/o • MaleReviews Received
i love it
I like your descriptions at the beginning. Its common for authors to change their minds while doing first drafts of stories and good that you're self-critical. Perhaps you could've described the boy's escape in more detail, it would've added excitement, but overall its a good story.
Sounds a lot like some intelligent kid who is afraid of the unknown 'things' that dwell in the darkness.
The mattress part is exactly what I used to do when I was young and shared the room with my younger sister.
It inspires me to fight against my fear rather than just hiding under a blanket and pretending to be asleep.
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Emotive and creepy. Really enjoyed this.
This isn't my first time reading this, but unlike the other times, it really connected to me. I'm not sure if I read the tone right, but it feels (to me) like stating fact. The narrator isn't bemoaning their life, in fact, they occasionally seem morbidly amused. To them, they're stating facts of life, even if it it sad. Anyway, good work.
I like the way you fuse the everyday with the sci-fi. Even in outer space daughters can be irritated by over-protective mothers. Her inner conflict over answering the call is believable and you wrote a good cliffhanger.
