United States • 22 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Unfair! I was just getting to know this character, and you killed them. This is the second time this has happened to me today, too.
Well, anyway, this is cool.
This made me sad. I don't agree with your opinion on religion, but I do agree with your take on school. School is way harder than it should be, way too structured, and astronomically overrated by adults and students alike. It has its place, as well as definite benefits, but as a whole it's failing on a nation-wide scale in regards to educating people.
On a different note, you obviously don't think false hope is better than no hope, so my question is where do you think hope should come from?
Keep writing! Emotion poured off this piece in buckets. But also, no pressure.
This sounds like a toxic telationship. Those are really bad.
Good poem!
The only thing I don't really like about this is the stealing diapers part. There wasn't really a precedent for that, and I guess I could have missed something..... It just doesn't share the dream-like memory aesthetic the rest of this has. I love the last two paragraphs, though. They bring everything full circle, and that's awesome.
Really cool so far. The way it's written is very distinct, but if you did that on purpose, then well done. Either way, I'll read the rest.
This is phenomenal. I can't remember reading anything so captivating and tragic. This story went places I didn't expect, and I'm just sitting here stunned because this idea is so good.
The one, ONE thing that I think could use some work is your sentence length; there could be a few more short sentences. (but personally I feel like the longer, continuous sentences create a sense of helpless repetition that suits the story perfectly.)
Anyway, I love this so much.
This makes me think of a book I've been reading, "12 Rules For Life" by Jordan Peterson. One of the rules he suggests is "Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today." We're all extremely flawed, and comparing ourselves to other people (or worse, comparing them to us) doesn't help anyone improve.
I'm worried about Everli....