Balance

Every choice I've made has caused me pain, and I am beginning to think it is not worth it. I enlisted in the Marines at the start of 2030 and achieved a noticeable rank in 2040. At this point, I was a sergeant to a squad of soldiers all eager to prove themselves. I've been given many missions that have claimed many of my men. Over time people started to call me Reaper to the point I was known as the man without a squad. This hit me pretty hard. When I was appointed to a new squad the men would avoid my gaze as if looking at me would kill them right on the spot. I at the time shrugged it off, I thought it was their nerves getting the better of them since it was their first real mission. I realized soon enough it wasn't the case. Something you should know about me is that to this day I still hesitate when given the choice of killing someone or letting them live. If it wasn't for the part of me that got drilled into my head "hesitation is a bullet to the head" I would rarely kill unless fired at. But, that is not acceptable. If you freeze you die or worse you live while others you care about fall beside you. As a leader you sign off on an oath, that oath says that you are responsible for the lives under your watch and must bring them home. Even at the cost of your life. I haven't truly failed this only from the fact that my men died doing what they signed up for, protecting their home. At least that is what I tell myself so I can sleep. So, when I was given the nickname Reaper I wasn't surprised. Some of the other sergeants and lieutenants agree with my thoughts, saying that it isn't easy leading them. Many of us come back with at least one dead member. It sucks but we push on. I've also heard that we lose those under our watch because of the balance of life and death. One of ours is taken for everyone the enemy loses. Balance, that word is a lie in itself. None of these men deserve death, not to be cast aside like nail clippings or lumber. It sickens me just thinking about it. It is said that death claims a life while another is given it. It sounds fair but it isn't. The big cats might not care but I do, these soldiers aren't just numbers, they are living beings with families waiting for them to return. It isn't them that goes out to apologize to the ones who lost their loved ones to someone else's war. No, it's me. The man who led them to their death on the say-so of an officer who rarely sees battle.

Now, could I just let the higher-ups send someone else? Yes, yes I could yet I don't. They would make it seem like such a tragedy as if they died in a meaningless manner even though it was on their orders! Well, I refused to have that happen. At least for my men. So, I decided to tell them what happened. I've lost count of the men I've lost and the countless tears that have been shed. One man, in particular, made it hard for me. It was my mentor who trained and led me before I became a sergeant myself. His name was Brooks, and he was one of the best Marines we had. He died while pursuing a traitor who attempted to blow up our HQ. He stopped the bomb and killed the man, but not before he was shot several times. Bleeding from numerous bullet wounds Brooks saved everyone. Yet I feel like it wasn't worth it. I had the shot, I could have stopped the man from shooting him. I froze. I couldn't take the shot, at least I thought so. I heard him over the comms. He was telling me to shoot through him and kill the man. Otherwise, he would release the detonator and we'd all die. Not realizing it I pulled the trigger and watched Brooks fall. With his dying breath, he not only defused the bomb but gave me command over the mission. I may get weird looks for this but, I believe balance doesn't exist. I think too much happens for there to be a balance. I went to his family and told them what happened. I was surprised by their response which happened to be a hug from my best friend's wife and kids. Like me, his wife agreed that hearing the truth is what they need rather than some made-up sob story. Not everything lives in the balance. Cause it doesn't exist. This is sergeant Reaper, signing off.

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