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Drink of the Devil

Drink of the Devil

By Kat - 3 Reviews

Evil spirits lined up to see him drink from the cup their leader had given him. To them, he had no name. He would get it the moment he became one of them, mere spirits of the dead. The teenager tipped his glass up to his lips, jaw quivering. The spirits shuffled in delight and impatiens. The boy drank from the cup, his face twisting when he tasted the bile and sour liquid, but he kept drinking, determined to become one of the evil spirits.

The empty glass shook in his hand. Blood started dripping from his mouth, flowing down his chin. A snake-like tongue stuck out from his mouth - one that was not familiar to the boy, He choked on it, it’s long length clogging his mouth. The blood poured from his nose, staining his pale lips.

He fell to the ground, crouching as he gagged. The evil spirits watched greedily as he retched and clawed at his throat, but nothing could help him now. A feeling of hopelessness crept over him. He was trapped, bleeding. One of the spirits stepped up to him, squatted, and took the last breath of the boy for his own. The boy’s spirit came up from his lifeless body, and joined the other spirits with a new feeling. Greed. Hunger. And recklessness.

Author Notes: One of my depression stories. You know how sometimes you have to write to get rid of crazy emotions? Any-who, please comment and review. Message me anytime. Thanks for the support thus far! -Kate

Recommend Reviews (3) Write a Review Report
About The Author
Kaleighishappy
Kat
About This Story
Audience:
12+
Posted:
3 Feb, 2017
Genre:
Horror, Tragedy
Type:
Scary, Serious
Words:
222
Favorites:
2
Views:
190

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Drink of the Devil Reviews

3 reviews have given an average rating of 2.7 out of 5 Stars
RebelSoul
RebelSoul gave a rating of 3

Interesting concept, however it seems a little rough which dispels the tension that builds up throughout the story. Now I am horrible with grammar so I wont focus on that. I will suggest that the second part where the boy realizes he had been tricked describe that betrayal, show his fear. That adds to the tension as opposed the just telling the reader as the events happen. And the last sentence, I know breaking up the sentence was to be a killer ending but it also made it seem blocky and killed it in my own opinion.

21 Feb, 2017 0
Kat
Kat - 21 Feb, 2017
Oh, okey! I will work on those! Thanks for telling me! I can be really bad at grammar 😬. Thanks for putting up with it!
RebelSoul
RebelSoul - 22 Feb, 2017
Im awful at editing so I ask someone else to do it for me. It never hurts to have a friend read it over, and after a while, you'll make less mistakes. I'm sure of it.
Kat
Kat - 22 Feb, 2017
Lol, thanks! 🙂
Entangled_Fate
🌸Fate gave a rating of 4

This is grande piece but you do have errors. My advice to you is before posting you should reread it five times and if you are not sure then just ask someone if they can look over it for you to help you catch the mistakes because you are missing some words with other errors. Do not be discouraged. You story is good. Keep on writing.

Have a good evening,
Fate🌸

21 Feb, 2017 0
Kat
Kat - 21 Feb, 2017
Thanks!
apemann
Apemann gave a rating of 1

Your change of name has, regrettably, not led to a change of standard. As (what has become) usual, your story has spelling and grammar inaccuracies as well as being too short to make any sort of sense or impact.

I just do not understand why you will not take - and act on - the advice you are given. You have some really good story ideas, but you are so slapdash when you write that you spoil them completely. You do not do yourself justice by submitting such sub-standard work when it is clear you are capable of much better IF you put in the effort...

11 Feb, 2017 0
Kat
Kat - 12 Feb, 2017
I do take, and act on advice that I'm given, but so far you haven't given me any reliable suggestions. I am not going to go to a link you tell me to go to, and I would love it if I had grammar or spelling errors you would tell me WHERE they are.
I am sorry that you feel like I don't put in any effort. But if you feel that way, why don't you stop reading my work?
Thank you,
Kate
🌸Fate
🌸Fate - 21 Feb, 2017
As much as I love you and appreciate you Apeman. You are being a little too harsh. Please consider that not everyone is perfect and it takes time to fix mistakes.

Have a good evening,
Fate 🌸

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