Goodbye

Some people hate goodbyes. The only thing you hated was saying them more than once. You told me that a goodbye, a real goodbye, is final. Like a last breath, it's something that can only happen once. I don’t want to mess this one up.

The wind blew steadily through my hair, which I had cut not too long ago. It was auburn and fell in light curls around my face. Mother had always loved my curls and she would wait until she absolutely had to before she would take me to have them cut off. They were beginning to grow back again and the wind made the curls stretch out into straight, orange whisps. They would fall into my eyes until I brushed them aside.

I sighed as I brushed another curl out of my face. I hated my curls. They were so long and the other boys would tease me about it. I wish I had a say in when and how I got my hair cut. If I could have it cut the way I wanted to, I would have looked similar to all the other boys. But Mother wouldn’t hear of it. She would tell me I looked handsome with my curls when, in reality, I looked like a little girl.

The other boys were in the courtyard, playing ball like every other day. They would always ask me if I wanted to play, but I knew that the only reason they did was because the teachers made them. They didn’t like me. And, if I’m being completely honest, that didn’t much bother me because I didn’t really care for them. Today, I had declined their offer and was instead sitting far above them on the roof of our school. I sat, eating my lunch in silence. I had the whole period to eat, play, and do whatever else I felt like doing. But today, all I could think about was you.

You were never one to say goodbye unless you really meant it. Whenever we would part before class or on the rare day that you had a slumber party at a friend’s house, you would never say goodbye. It was always, “See you tomorrow!” or “Catch you later!” but never “Goodbye.” Then, on that fateful day, you did say goodbye. I was so stupid not to realize sooner. If I had known then what I know now, maybe things would have turned out differently. If I had put two and two together, maybe you would still be here beside me. Maybe you would still be here to tell me everything was going to be okay, to convince me to stop thinking the way I do. Maybe I wouldn’t be here if you still were. Maybe I would be down there, playing ball and waiting for your class to end. Funny, isn’t it? How simple thoughts like these hurt so much.

I miss you. And that’s the simple truth. I miss you so much I can’t even remember the happy memories of you without breaking down. I miss your patient smile, your laughing eyes, and, most of all, your beating heart that I could feel whenever I would lean against you. I miss you.

And that’s why I’m here today. That’s why I’m here on this roof. I’m here to say goodbye.

I gulped down the sandwich bits that I had been chewing. My throat felt dry, but that was nothing compared to what I felt in my heart. It felt like I was in a cage but that I knew, soon, the cage would be opened and I would be set free. I stand up, taking in a breath that was almost as shaky as my legs were. I had never been very athletic, so they looked like spaghetti noodles as I made my way to the edge of the roof.

The breeze was stronger here on the edge, and my hair whipped my face as I stared down at the concrete below. This would have to do. It was surely high enough, but I was suddenly having second thoughts. What would Mother do with me gone? Surely this would break her heart. What about Gran and Grandpappy? They would drown in the tears of losing their only grandchild left. No. I couldn’t think like that. Wasn’t it you who was always telling me that I thought too much? Yes, that was definitely something you’d said.

It was a cool, spring day and you were sitting under a tree in a beautiful yellow dress. That dress had always been your favorite and it had pockets where you could store the many strange things you were always picking up. I was sitting a ways away from you, picking flowers in the grass. I was picking out yellow ones, your favorites, when I suddenly turned to you.

“Amy, what will happen when I die?” I asked you, completely out of the blue.

“What?” You had responded, startled by my question.

“When I die, what will happen?” I repeat.

You look down at the ground for a moment. Then you looked back up at me and said, “I suppose you’ll be dead.”

I had laughed at you and said, “No, no, I mean, what will happen to you?”

“Well, I guess I’d die, too,” you had responded with ease. You leaned back against the tree and your long, brown hair had come loose from the braid you were trying to keep it in. You had sat up and glared at the breeze like it was your worst enemy, shaking your fist at it to make me laugh.

“Why would you die, too?” I asked you after a moment of silence.

“Jeeze, Charles,” you had said, “you think too much.”

I had sat there, staring at a couple of yellow flowers I had yet to pick. I thought over your words and eventually looked up and asked, “What does that mean?”

You had simply laughed and said, “Nothing. Come on, it’s getting late.” You had stood up, and waited for me to do the same. Then you took my hand in yours and we had walked back to the house together.

That’s what you had said. So now, here on this roof, I wasn’t going to think. I was only going to jump. I take off my uncomfortable shoes, Mother had always warned me to not mess them up, slipped off my school uniform’s jacket, you had always looked so much nicer in it, and stood on the very edge where you had said goodbye two years ago.

I turn around so I won’t have to watch the concrete as it comes closer as I fall. My eyes land a girl who was just now coming up the flight of stairs to get up here. No, no, no, this can’t be happening. But it is. She spots me and in an instant, she understands. Soon, she’s running towards me with a passion I knew I had seen before. I don’t think about it, though. I whisper my goodbye to the air and let myself fall backward. Off the roof, towards the ground and-

Author Notes: I hope you enjoyed! Tell me how I can improve and let me know if you would like a second part to this. I think I know where I'm going with it, but I won't continue if you don't want it.
This was suggested by Darkness. I changed it up a little, so I hope you don't mind, lol.

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