Searching For Peace
Deep inside me there is something,
Hiding but calling and ever abiding.
It unfurls a deep grief in my breast
And will not let me rest.
Could it be a longing for a different place,
Maybe for disappearing without trace?
Searching blindly, I continue my quest
To heal this pain in my chest.
Having explored some of the dark aspects of life,
I feel like a freak who is caught in a trap
I race forwards and yet peer back
At the mistakes I once made,
And the wages of my sins waiting to be paid.
There just has to be more to this life
Than the drawing of a card
And the rolling of a dice.
I’m reaching for a higher realm of understanding,
Something to give my life a purpose that’s more demanding.
It’s an inner war I’m fighting,
Which I’m sure I can win.
And so I keep trying again and again.
But still I act like a freak who’s caught in a fiendish trap,
Running scared and yet without stopping to look back.
What sacrifices am I willing to make to find peace?
If it’s my life, o Universe, it’s yours to take.
I willingly pay what you are demanding
To gain Your forgiveness and understanding.
The wages of sin are I am paying now
Are worse to endure than death.
And I would give my dying breath
To let go of my inner demons,
So my soul rests and finds peace
* * *
The Great Mother’s Response
Beloved child of the Earth, you are dear and precious to My heart much more than you will ever be able to understand. The seafaring folks of your world are giving you a demonstration of the behaviour of all human souls during their lifetimes in earthly life. Whenever they are at home with their mother and other loved ones, they are only happy and content for a short while. It does not take long until they once more begin to yearn and pine for sailing the seven seas of your world. Each one of you is a sailor on the great ocean of life. You and your earthly character are the boat and destiny that has been given to each one of you. And you alone are responsible for commanding and steering it back home to Me.
One of these days you will be back home in the world of spirit, with the Angels and Me, and other human souls you have come to love during your many earthly adventuring and exploring sojourns. Although you love it there, it will not take long until you become restless and long for more consciousness expanding experiences that help you to grow in wisdom and understanding of yourself, the world around you and life in general.
Now that you have reached quite an advanced evolutionary level, refuse to look at yourself as some kind of a freak, even though at times you had to take the boat of your life through some of the most loathsome whirlpools of earthly experiences. None of them have made you a freak, My dearest child. You did nothing worse than studying in the school of Earth life and everything you ever did took place because you were attending the lessons that are prescribed by the curriculum of this institution for every one of its pupils.
When you look back and recognise that you did not like some of your lessons, that to Me is a sign that you have not been wasting your time. You have made progress on the evolutionary spiral of life only because the happenings in your life made you grow in wisdom and understanding. Rejoice, for now you are ready to choose a different pathway that – if you so wish – will lead you forwards and upwards only, rather than moving down, down, down the way you did in the past. Your yearning for experiences of a higher and more elevated nature shows the Angels in charge of you and Me that all is well with you and your spiritual development.
Know that nothing on the Earth plane or anywhere else ever happens perchance or coincidence, the drawing of a card or the rolling of a dice. Everything is part of the great plan of life and the pathway through it for each one of you is mapped out, complete with the people and events that can help you at any given moment to take part in the lessons you are ready for. Your own energies draw them towards you and you always have the freedom to choose whether you wish to walk the upper or the lower road.
Eventually for each one of you there comes the moment when you realise that the lower road is no longer right for you, because it fails to give you the satisfaction you had hoped to gain from it. And that is what’s happening to you and why you cannot shake off a nagging feeling that there must be more to life than what you have been experiencing in the past. You are right, there is. That’s why you are beginning to draw people into your orbit who are willing to share with you the higher things and understanding their own life’s experiences has taught them.
Naturally, that is no coincidence either. In the school of life you are presently attending, whenever one of its pupils is ready for a more advanced lesson a teacher appears from somewhere, as if by magic. In Earth terms this is magic. It’s a sign that in the spiritual background the Angels and Master, your spirit guides, friends and helpers are watching, guiding and coaxing each one of you along the pathway of their earthly sojourns. Events of this nature reveal their presence and intervention.
At all times they are willing to support and guide you, but they cannot do your learning for you. No-one can do that, except you. You yourself have to walk through the depths to which the desires of your lower earthly nature are capable of leading you. But eventually there comes the time when your Highest Self takes you by the hand and shows you how to leave the pull of the desires of your lower animal nature behind. Through the world of your feelings your God Self has always been guiding you. When you have reached a certain point in your development vague and uncertain feelings begin to disturb your peace of mind and you sense that the lower road is not worthy of you and the hopes, dreams and aspiration of humankind’s higher nature. The way you feel about yourself and the things that have been occupying you is your Highest Self coaxing you along, so that under your own steam you can gradually come to the conclusion that enough is enough.
All along I am there with you. I am your Highest or God Self, the wise one within and when you are suffering, I suffer with you. Whether you are laughing or weeping I am sharing every experience with you. And I speak to you through the small, still voice of your conscience. At some stage in your spiritual development it begins to whisper to you and makes itself felt through an ever growing aversion against your adventuring of the past. When you start to listen to your feelings and respond to them by taking constructive actions to leave the darker aspects of life behind, you have reached a vital evolutionary turning point.
Your decision to start a new chapter in your life proves to the Angels in charge of you and Me that you are growing from spiritual infancy and adolescence into adulthood. Now you are ready to take charge of your earthly self’s character and that empowers you to positively and creatively influence your destiny of where and how you will be spending future lifetimes. But for the present you are moving ever closer to fulfilling your high and holy destiny as a true child of Mine, who through its behaviour and thinking patterns is doing its best to establish My kingdom on the Earth plane.
With the help of the knowledge you are now finding you can afford to look at you and your ways of the past not with loathing and disgust but with love and compassion for the suffering it has brought you. Enduring them have been the wages of sin and you have paid them already, many times over. Don’t keep on doing this over and over again. There is no point in it and there are no prizes for martyrdom. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, rejoice and celebrate for you have grown stronger and wiser. I am proud of you, My child.
Your feelings of guilt and shame, unworthiness and uselessness, and that your life is lacking purpose and direction have been part the wages of sin you had to pay. Your feelings are important, they have purpose and meaning, the same as everything else that is in your life. Listen carefully to the whole gamut of them, as each one is a signal from your inner Highest Self, the wise one within, Me. Through the world of your feelings I was showing you that the manner in which you had been conducting yourself was no longer right for you.
Because you had reached a sufficiently high degree of spiritual maturity, I was knocking at the door of your inner consciousness to call you back into the awareness of your true nature and your oneness with Me. I am glad that you finally set off in search of the missing parts of yourself. This quest is bringing you ever closer to Me.
You will have heard it said that love understands all and forgives all. You probably know by now through your own life’s experiences how true this is. When you love someone and they trespass against you in some way, if you make the effort to look into and understand their motivations and the lessons they are currently taking part in, you can do nothing but forgive that person. And because I understand the whole of our pathway throughout all lifetimes, from the beginning of each one to its end, and the suffering your soul has already endured, I find there is nothing to forgive. As a matter of fact, each one of you is forgiven before you set out on your first visits to the Earth plane.
Because I love all of you totally and unconditionally and understand the trials and tribulations that are lying ahead and have to be gone through by each and every one of you, there really IS nothing to forgive. And because you now understand why everything you experienced was a necessary part of your earthly education, the time has come for you to look at yourself with compassion and love, and to forgive yourself.
For a long time you have felt an ever increasing emptiness and a void within you. Whatever you tried to fill it, be it alcohol and drugs, money and material possessions, and endless pleasure-seeking, the barrenness would not go away. When you had tried all those things unsuccessfully, your soul with the help of your feelings was showing you that ultimately the only thing that can fill such inner voids is a conscious reunion with Me. Many of you are working on it now and I bless each one of you for the troubles you are taking upon you to bring this about. Peace be with you, always.
* * *