I'm Mad

I'm mad because everytime I walk into a room I'm being checked out by a guy. I'm mad because everytime I try to stand up for myself I'm being a bitch or told to calm down. I'm mad because women are consistently looked at and treated like we are nothing but a sex object men are entitled to. I'm mad because I'm expected to want every man that comes my way and every rejection to them results in harrasment or hostility. I'm mad because I spend so fucking long picking out clothes in the morning to make sure they make my ass look decent, because I've been taught that's where my worth is. I'm mad because I've played the game and let guys treat me like this so many times. I'm mad because when I was cheated on so many times I kept going back. I'm mad because I didn't even realize how many times I had been fucking raped. I'm mad because I can't go to another city carelessly by myself on an adventure without fearing I'll be trafficked. I'm mad because on my dorm floor my residents are scared the RA doing rounds is going to come in and hurt them. I'm mad because no one talks about this.

I'm mad because everytime I tell a boy on the guys side to quiet down I get looked at like nothing but a piece of ass. I'm mad because everyone wants to tell me how fucking small I am and enforce the thought they could do whatever they wanted, how fun it would be throwme around. I'm mad because my dad didn't teach me anything differently. I'm mad because my dad taught me my worth lies in my vagina too. I'm mad because when he justified his reason for not doing dishes it's because it was skirt work. I'm mad because he also was groping and grabbing my body when he thought i was asleep. I'm mad because his hands wandered all over my waistline as if he owned me. I'm mad because my mom has played into the patriarchy and let men treat her like nothing my entire life. I'm mad because she fucking sold her body she was so fucking desperate for love and was taught that was the only way she could be loved. I'm mad because her dad raped her and paved that way. I'm mad because my uncle told me on my 13th birthday at church the way I dress made his dick hard. I'm mad because on my 13th birthday my uncle told me I didn't have th body of a 13 year old. I'm mad because my 30 year old cousin TOLD me we were getting married once I was "of age." Didn't ask, told. I'm mad because I never told anyone about it.

I'm mad because when I lost my virginity I told my boyfriend I didn't want to have sex. I told him I wasn't comfortable and e had sex anyway. I'm mad because he and every other one to come saw me as nothing but a sex object they got to play around with. I'm mad because at a party when I woke up with a stranger's hand in my pants and his bare dick touching my body his friends asked me the next morning why I didn't let him get his dick wet. They asked why I was a cock block for my own fucking body. I'm mad because my best friend at the time told me not to confront him because he was a friend of her boyfriend. I'm mad because I come into work and all the men at the place have drawings of dicks and tits everywhere, as if it's all a fucking joke. I'm mad because they look at me like I'm soemthing to play with. I'm mad because guys get upset when I say I don't want to share my snapchat. I'm mad because even the guys who pretend to get it, don't. I'm mad because even my closest friends that are guys still treat me like a fucking sex object. I'm mad because they post things about feminism and empowering women when one of them got me drunk and took advantage of my low place in life and my alcoholism. I'm mad because of the shame I feel, as if I deserved it and how much I played the part.

I'm mad because every single day of my life I fear being raped by a man. I'm mad because it's created a masturbation addiction in me where when I'm stressed I try to regain control through oppressing myself further. I'm mad because I can't walk into a room where I'm the only woman and feel safe. I'm mad because men feel an entitlement to my body. I'm mad because society shoves down my throat everyday just how less than and owned I am by men through ads, songs, conversations, clothes, etc. I'm mad because when women try to regain control over this oppression we are called bitches, aggressive, too much, sluts, prudes. i'm mad because I live in a society where I am always seen as weak and they are always seen as strong. I'm mad because I live in a society where my residents fear an RA may come in their room at night. I'm mad because when I try to explain anything to men they never fucking try to understand. If you don't care to read anything else, read this: WE ARE MAD BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE DAY WE FEAR BEING RAPED BY A MAN. and EVERYTHING we do revolves around that fear.

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