i knew i couldn't escape.
you had me backed into a corner
and i don't think i'd ever felt fear
before i met you.
you had no eyes
and your mouth was constantly vomiting words.
you were simply a mirror
and i was your eyes.
you showed me everything i was afraid of.
the words and voices were tornadoes of everything
swirling to and fro in the depths of this house.
i was about to let you win.
i had spent too many nights bent over the sink
spitting out pills and then trying to take them again.
i was so tired of you and i desperately wanted you to go away.
each school day was a struggle because it was hard to tell what was real and what wasn't
i was so ready to give up
then he took my hand.
he looked at me and smiled.
i don't think i had ever felt safety before him.
if i did, i was blind.
he is my angel. he helps me exist.
sometimes it's hard, but that's how it'll be sometimes.
you're still there, but throughout the day, it isn't so bad.
i'm not okay, and i might not ever be. but that's okay.
i'm not alone, no matter how much you try to convince me.
i have him to be my savior, and i have them.
them. those people who probably pity me but stick around anyways.
i love them. each and every single one of them.
i know that i'm gonna make it out of this, eventually.
yes, i know that you're still there.
waiting for my moments of weakness
so you can consume me.
i know i can't beat you on my own.
but i have help.
hit me with your best shot, you.
Author Notes: i'm trying to be strong