A Letter to The Past
You seem distant. You seem strange.
Your smiles never really reach your eyes. The brown swirling flakes in your irises never light up. They remain cold, and you fear that they will forever stay that way.
You only realized now the grand scheme of things. Back then, you thought you had your fair share of hard problems to deal with. Only if they were. You wished for your youth, for your innocence, and honestly, me too.
Back then, you were carefree. But as the crushing roots of peer pressure and the need, the urge to please others has taken hold, you’ve changed.
You were loud. You were funny. You were there to make other people happy, because then they would like you.
Now, you’ve given up that mission to make other people smile. You just wish you could smile too.
After all this time, you realized they were never laughing with you, they were laughing at you. The accusatory glares, the hushed whispers? How could you be so blind, how could you not see?
I saw you, bit by bit, the defeat slumping your shoulders, tainting your soul. Day by day, you further reclined into your room, in tears.
And now, I would pay with all the money I have just to see you smile again.
I’ve tried everything. Candy, money, food, dates. The beach. Hikes. Road trips.
A hug. A kiss. A laugh. A joke.
Nothing can work, and I fear nothing will.