My Life

My biological father was a drunk, drug addicted, abusive person. He abused my mother before I was born. He made my mother miscarriage my supposed to be twin. He was drunk at my birth, but at least he was there right? He tried a couple times to kill me when I was newborn before my mother finally left him.

She went through may boyfriends, and we moved a lot. We never had enough money to support ourselves, I guess that was one of the reasons my mom always had to have a boyfriend... Right after my little brother was born, we were so broke we had to live with my great grandmother and great grandfather. After they kicked us out we moved in with their son. From there on out she had about three other boyfriends.

She got another boyfriend, he adopted me. We thought he was a good guy, but he was also a drug addict, drunk and was also abusive. My mother was with him for about three years, then they got married. She was married to him for about two and a-half years. Then one week my mother, brother and I went down to Memphis TN. He had guy friends over and trashed the house. He also had an affair in that house the same week we were gone. When we got home I went to a friend birthday party and while I was gone my mother and him got into a big fight. When my brother asked to watch a movie, my stepfather went at my six year old brother and almost hit him. My mom reacted fast and in turn he went after her. She locked him out of the house and called the cops. When my mom came to pick me up she had told me they were getting a divorce. After I was told what happened she also told me that the only reason he ever adopted me was because my biological father was taking her back to court and was going to get partial custody.

I was crushed, that's when I believe my depression very first popped up. Not long after that my best friends went online and posted a video about how I was a 'lesbian'. They then sent the link to everyone in my school and the video was seen by everyone in my grade. It got over 70 views. I started cutting myself because I felt worthless and I was going to school, getting picked on horribly then going home and being called a 'skank', 'whore', 'slut' by my mother... I know she was under a lot of pressure but I didn't understand why she was taking it all out on me... I was talking to one person online whom I did not meet and my mother found out. She took my to a mental facility to get evaluated. I was perfectly normal they said. She didn't believe them. She was convinced I was "messed up in the head". I started cutting myself every night and when my school counslor found out she called my mom and my mother took me to the same mental ward to get checked out. I was perfecly normal they said yet again. I was put on the smallest doseage on anxiety medication and sent along the way.

Recently I found razors and then cut myself yet again because I was told I was going to be forced to move out of town, out of state to live with her new boyfriend. I took the razors to school and gave them to my closest friend. But she went to a teacher and gave them to her. In turn the teacher called the school counslor and took me to the principals office. My mom was called and came up to the school. I should have been expelled but was only suspened for the rest of that day. Luck must have been on my side. My mom told me I shouldn't be upset about moving because 'I dont have any friends anyways' and she told me no one in my family liked me because I was a bitch and everything that came out of my mouth was awful and how she doesn't understand me. I feel better off dead. My friends don't care that I cut myself and they don't care that I want to die.

I want to delete my existance, I want to die. I am tired of this life I am living. No one cares. No one is there for me.

Author Notes: Everything in this story is true. I have gone through this, and I am not publishing this to make anyone feel bad for me, and I know there are people out there going through worst things, but I felt like I just needed to get this out there. Get it off my chest. Thanks.
~~ Stay lovely my friends <3~~

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