I look around the room and see students huddled close together whispering their secrets, and gossiping over rumours. The group of popular girls constantly shoot glances in my direction, while little giggles escape from their lips. I bite my bottom lip and try to act like I didn't notice, and pretend like I'm listening to the conversation my friends are talking about. But the words pass by meaninglessly as I catch snips of the "popular" girls' conversation.
"She actually did that?"
"What a slut!"
"I can't believe that, she'd actually sell herself to guys like that?"
But I didn't bother listening anymore, I had had enough. I am a virgin I wanted to scream at them. They're just saying that because they can't handle the truth; they're the ones who'd sell themselves. The bell rang interrupting the silent whispers that buzzed louder than the bell that rang throughout the room. I grabbed my stuff and escaped through the door before I was caught behind everyone else. It was raining, a quiet drizzle landed lightly on the ground as thunder shook the sky. Cool air filled my lungs, as I exhaled I saw the white perspiration. I shrugged off my backpack it landed on the ground with a thud a I took a step into the rain, and settled myself against the wall where the rain could freely soak my clothes.
Soon it began pouring, and I was drenched to the core. I looked up into to the grey clouds and closed my eyes, I could fall asleep I think silently to myself. "Aren't you cold?" A voice asks. "Not if I don't think about it I respond." I open my eyes and look at the person who disturbed me. A boy from my class, stood there the dark stains left on his clothes from where the rain droplets had landed on his sleeves, and shoulders. He sat next to me. It was the strangest thing he started asking me questions, "How is your day going?" "Ha- " I snorted then responded, " not so good. How about you? How's your day?" " I've had better, but I've also had worse. And with that in mind I suppose I'm having an okay day." He gently smiled.
Since the day in the rain I secretly have had a crush on him. His sandy blond hair, his dark blue eyes, his gentle voice that can be just as fierce. But a few days later something happened that changed my life forever.
My dad and I walked to the car when a rough hand grabbed me and threw me to the ground, something cold and round was pressed against my temple as a husky voice bellowed, "Give me all your money, and car keys or I'll shoot." He thrusted it against my head and a sharp pain stabbed at the side of my skull. My dad put up his hands, the idiot- I thought- he's not the one with a gun pointed at his head. My dad threw his keys and wallet at the feet of the man. Suddenly forgetting about me he scrounged for the two objects, and greedily tore into them as my father comforted me. "I'm fine, I'm fine." I continuously repeated. The man laughed, "Oh no you aren't actually." He turned on his heel, two shots echoed in my ears before leaving a loud ringing in its place.
I felt something warm, and thick spread over my legs and torso. But I felt no pain. "Dad.." I felt sick, "Dad!" I screamed. I turned him over two holes were left in his chest, blood poured from them profusely. "No, no, nononononononon" He can't leave me, "Dad!" I pulled out my phone and clicked emergency call and typed in 9-1-1. "Parking lot. 1st, and Main. Movie theaters. My dad is bleeding out. Two bullets to the chest. Help please." I hung up the phone and there was nothing to distract me from his horse, labored, breathing, his struggled attempts to say something, his convulsions, and worst of all I couldn't do anything to help him. To save him. My dad is dying and I can't do anything to ease his pain or help. I lifted his head, and settled it on my knee, "It's gonna be alright." I sobbed, and tried to breathe evenly. I stroked his blood crusted hair. "It's gonna be alright." But that was a lie and we both knew it.
"So class how was everyone's weekends?" My teacher looked up expectantly, I raised my hand. "This weekend or last weekend. Whatever yesterday was. I went to the movies- " "Lucky!" Someone shouted. "No not really," I answered. "Because after the movie when we were walking out to the car we were mugged." A couple gasps sounded throughout the room, "Honey you shouldn't be at school- " My teacher inquired, I interrupted her with, "but the mugger didn't take just our car, or our money... he took my dad's life." It was deadly quiet in the classroom I continued, " He had a gun. He threatened me and forced my dad to give him his wallet." I took a deep breath and a tear slid down my cheek followed by another, "Then he shot him. He shot my dad twice.
But it wasn't a shot to the heart. It was a shot to the lung. My dad was drowning on his own blood. And I couldn't help him. I couldn't save him." I wasn't yelling or screaming out in anger, I barely whispered it was a sense of calm anger, menacing, calm, anger, "So I listened and waited as he struggled to breathe- " I gasped and more tears slid down my slender face. I looked like my dad. Brunette hair, green eyes, tall, muscular, and smooth full lips. "now I can't even look in the mirror without seeing him staring back." Because sad girls don't fall in love. I guess That means I'll never fall in love I suppose that's okay, I'll always have my dad's ghost to haunt me. The bell rang dismissing first period, I went to grab my stuff to leave but my teacher called out and asked me to stay behind while all the other student left.
"Honey..." She began, " why aren't you at home? You should take time off." Tear stains covered my face as I looked at her gently, " I didn't finnish." I stated, " I was shot too, the bullet hit my spinal cord and caused my nerves to malfunction, I can't feel any physical pain. In fact the bullet went through some of my vital organs not enough to cause me to die instantly, but enough it teared some of them open. I only have a week to live." My teacher gasped, "B- bu- why- how?" She stammered for awhile before she gave up and gave me a pitied look. "You can't tell anyone." I said, "No student or teacher is to know of my fast ending life. Please understand." She nodded curtly before asking, " Why don't you get treatments?" I laughed quietly before replying, "It isn't worth it. I don't want to go on like this. Besides the surgeries would take months just to prepare, and I don't have that much time." I started crying again, " You know I always dreamed of getting married, having kids, living in a big house, going to college, just regular things in life that I can't do, that you can.
Things that I'll never have a chance to do. I'll never have my first kiss, go to a formal, I won't even live long enough to go to my dad's funeral. My mother is worried sick, she always asks me: 'Are you okay?' 'Do you need extra pillows?' She's prepared for my end, and she knows there is nothing she can do to help me. She feels just as helpless as I did when I watched my dad die." The tears where flowing freely now I put my head down, knowing I shouldn't feel embarrassed, anyone who had experienced this much trauma shouldn't.
But I did. I was always the strong one. I never cried. Now here I was letting the little droplets go, this was the most I'd cried in my life. "Sad girls don't fall in love, sweetheart. So pick up your head and go get him." I lifted up my teary eyes as one slipped down my cheek. My teacher- my teacher- told me to 'go get him'. "No." I said, " I'm not going to do that to someone. I'm not going to make them suffer the burden of being forced to love someone just because they're dying. I can't. Even if anyone did have feelings for me friendly or not they are going to be impacted by my death and I don't want to make it any worse. Thee don't need to be any extra casualties." "Sweety." Her eyes were watery, and her face soft, "no one will know what they missed once you're gone.
The ones who bullied you will regret they didn't treat you better, your closest friends will look back at the good times and be grateful for the time they had with you. Your mother will cry, and laugh at the same time remembering the stupid jokes you said when she didn't laugh. But no one will be a casualty, they will have volunteered to feel the pain if the reward was to meet someone as amazing as you."