Dear family,
I think I finally have the strength to do this. Today will be my last day on earth. This world never wanted me in the first place. I don´t know who the hell I am anymore. Iḿ not unique or special. Iḿ worthless and insignificant. I´m not worthy of love and acceptance. I´m just a fucking sickness. I am a disease. I assume that everyone hates me. Maybe I think that because I hate myself, but I don´t blame you if you do hate me. I´m just ready to give up. I am tired of dealing with the constant shit in my life. I feel trapped. Its like I am living in a pit of total darkness and I can´t find my way out. It is the same thing over and over again. There is no hope. There is no silver lining. Things will not get better. For some people it does but not for me. I get better and then it goes right back to where it started. I´m a piece of shit. I don´t want to feel like a burden anymore. I tried. I can´t do it anymore. Is there something wrong with me? I am a toxic person. I feel alone. I feel sad. I lost myself. I lost control. I am such a coward. I can´t deal with this pain anymore. I want someone to understand. I have always been scared to say I love someone. What is love? I´m such a burden. I don´t belong. I´m alone. No one will ever understand me. They don´t even try. I don´t matter. I´m tired of being bullied. I´m tired of being alone. I am tired of hiding my feelings locked inside of a cage. I am tired of being a nobody. I´m tired of feeling like a burden. I´m tired. I hate feeling like this. I couldn´t talk to anyone because you would just call me dramatic and stupid. I don´t feel this way for attention. I feel this way because the shit I have been through. The shit people has put me through. I am a no one. No one knows my pain. No one truly knows the things that are in my head. Is there anyone else who feels like this? I am a wasted space. I have no cure. Will this last forever? I couldn´t ever tell someone who I feel in love with because they wouldn´t approve or I couldn´t be with them because they didn´t like them. I can´t be happy any longer. You won´t allow me to be happy. Whatever makes you happy is what goes. I was never asked what I wanted. I was never asked what made me happy. I am scared. I am the only person that feels this way? I don´t like this pain. I can´t handle it any longer. I hate this. It´s now my time to go. Goodbye. I hope you finally understand.
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United States • 17 years old