What should have only taken a half hour tops has now reached the two hour mark. I begin to pace back and forth through the living room and across the kitchen. My strides are full of anger that grow angrier still with each passing minute.
I'd given that asshat I called my boyfriend $50 over two hours ago to pick up some crystal. I'd tried it for the first time earlier this afternoon and fallen in love. Just a small little bump but it shot me to the moon. Just from that tiny white line I knew I wanted more. I wanted to try it out proper like.
When I asked him that evening after work to find some he lied flat out and said he didn't know anybody. I knew he was full of shit because he can find anything. My boyfriend is the plug you never want to call. He's a last resort when all your regular connections are out. His bags never weigh and are always cut to shit. But he is a man who can always find what you're looking for even when everyone else has failed. Secretly I knew the real reason he lied was because he wanted that money to get some slow. Typical, always looking out for himself first even though I paid for everything.
Refusing to back down I dug in my heels and kept hounding him until he finally agreed. He eventually admitted he knew a guy and would take care of it for me. After a few texts and a cryptic phone call he snatched the money out of my hand, said he'd be back in no longer than 30, and hurried out the door. He left fast enough that it caused a shadow of doubt in my mind as to his true intentions.
So why wasn't he back yet? It's coming on two hours now with no sign of my boyfriend and definitely no bag of dope. That small shadow of a doubt I had earlier is no longer a shadow. I am convinced at this point he only got for himself.
I started pacing even faster as my anger grew to dangerous heights. I didn't speculate one bit that the delay might have been due to a deal gone bad or worry that he might be handcuffed in the back of a squad car on his was to jail. I couldn't shake the feeling I was going to get screwed over once again so I started making a list of all the hateful things I was going to say and do to him upon his return.
Just a hair after two hours has passed I finally hear the familiar ticking of our van engine as he pulls into the driveway. It's a long minute before I hear his door open and slam shut. I march up to the front screen door and peer out at him through the darkness. He climbs the concrete porch steps slowly, leaning heavily on the railing. It is glaringly obvious he is completely slumped on boi. He is so high he can't even raise his head to look me in the eyes.
God damn it! That piece of shit took my $50 bucks and took care of himself instead of getting what I asked for and what I paid for. I wanted to kill him I was so mad. Of course by now I should have known better than to trust him with money but my appetite for getting high was always stronger than my common sense.
I watched silentely as he cleared the last step and reached for the screen door. I stepped back as he swung it open and stumbled through the doorway, barely managing to stay on his feet. I fumed inside while he zig zagged his way through the living room making his way into our bedroom. Shortly thereafter I heard the mattress springs groan as he tipped over and slumped awkwardly across the bed.
I was tempted to follow him and rattle off all the venom I had stored up over the last two hours but decided against it. He wouldn't be able to hear me, talk to me, or even remember a damn thing I said while deep in nodsnodsville. That disconnect from reality was the sole reason I had not tried heroin as of yet. I had to be alert when at work and when the kids were home. We couldn't afford for me to fall out or lay in bed all day dopesick and missing work.
I lasted all of 45 minutes before I couldn't hold back any more. He was going to get it from me this time no bullshit. I marched straight back through the house to our bedroom and flicked on the overhead light. He didn't even move to cover his eyes. I grabbed his shoulder and began to shake him roughly. All I got for my efforts was a weak moan and a slight movement in his legs. So I shook him even harder and started yelling at him at the top of my lungs. That got his attention! He sat bolt upright, his right fist scrubbing the grit out from underneath his eyelids. He looked so confused I almost laughed.
Instead I began yelling again. I shouted at him for spending my money on himself instead of on what I asked for and what I paid for. I screamed that I couldn't take his shit anymore, that I was done being fucked over while he did whatever he wanted with the money i earned. His look of confusion was quickly replaced with one of pure fury. He yelled back for me to shut the fuck up and give him a minute. After several tense secends he lowered his voice a notch and said he had a little something for me. Great, spent the lion's share on himself and brought crumbs home for me.
I was still really pissed but managed to zip my lip and take a small step back. He withdrew a tiny plastic bag from his right front pocket and gently eased the knot loose with his teeth. Ever so carefully he shook out a small pile of off white powder onto a piece of mirror. He then smoothed it into a small line with the edge of his ID card and gestured for me to have at it.
I quickly rolled a dollar bill as tight as I could and tucked my hair back. No way was I going to let any loose strands sweep the precious powder off the mirror and into oblivion. Before putting the rolled bill to my nose I cleared each nostril thoroughly and tested which side would inhale the best. I then bent over the mirror and in one clean sweep sucked all that powder straight up my nose.
It didn't burn like the stuff from this afternoon had and there was an awful taste gathering in the back of my throat. I gagged but managed to not throw up. A couple minutes passed before I realized I wasn't feeling the stirrings of the rush I craved. Instead I felt a warm pleasant sensation start to make its way through my whole body. All my muscles relaxed at once and were no longer sore or cramped. My head felt light and my heart full. The craziness in my head grew still and my thoughts slowed down. I felt amazing, better than I had in years.
I asked him what he gave me but he didn't answer, just turned his head to the side with a look of shame. I didn't need him to tell me anyway. I already knew what it was. I already feared its power.
Author Notes: NOT SURE YET IF THERE WILL BE A PART 2