Have you ever wished you could do something but as soon as the wish comes true you want to go back?
Toby was my adoptive brother and I loved him so much. He was everything to me. We had grown up together with our adoptive father and our brother Joan, life was good and we were the happiest I had ever been.
But of course, good things don't last. War came to our beloved home and crushed everything I had ever loved, my home burned to the ground along with our dreams.
Joan had enough of the war and made a plan to destroy the opposing group leader. I tried to convince him not to do it but he refused saying: “I want to see you and Toby and father happy again dear, and that won’t happen with this battle destroying everything we had built together.”
He left and the next time I saw him we were placing his bloody body into a coffin. He had succeeded and the war was over, but Toby and I were in tears for days, our heart shattered.
I decided that day that I would protect Toby with my life, as I would not lose another, and started researching magic. Joan had told me I had the gift but never before had I practiced it.
Years past and the land was peaceful. But as you know, peace is temporary.
Father became unsteady and violent, yelling at us for letting his favorite son die. I realized that we would have to leave Father to stay safe but Toby refused to leave, he didn’t want to leave the place that Joan had fought so hard and had given his life away to save.
So we stayed.
Father started inviting people to come to live with us, tall, big men, none who had good intentions. I was never invited to hang out with them or even be near them but Tody often was forced to.
Every night after being with them, Tody would come to bed exhausted, and on the brink of despair, as they were rough with him and constantly called him negative things. He also would get beat and hurt during his time with them. We finally decided to leave and find a new place to live, far away from our corrupt father.
We made plans to leave and my kind Uncle, Eden, offered to take us away to his farm in the cliffs.
The night Tody and I planned to leave, our father and their friends took Tody with them to party. Worried and eager to leave, I followed them and watched them, my ax in hand, in case something were to happen.
The men were all drunk and yelling at each other, and Toby desperately tried to find ways to sneak away.
Suddenly, one of the men punched Toby in the stomach, he fell to the ground wrapping his arms around himself in pain. I leaped up to help him but Father appeared behind me, wrapping his arms around me trapping my arms to my side.
“Now what do we have here? Have you come to watch the fun?” He whispered in my ear. I tried to get away from him but he held me tight. I heard a yell of delight and I looked back to Tody.
The man who had punched Tody was excitedly waving a sword in his direction. Eden appeared but the man easily threw him aside, other men moving to hold him down.
I scream Todys name as the man lunged towards him, the sword going deep into his chest.
Toby’s eyes grew wide and he sputtered one last breath, blood steaming from his chest and mouth.
I bit my father’s arm, and as he let go of he in pain I rushed to Todys killer, swinging the ax deep into his back. The man bellowed and I went past him kneeling next to Toby.
Eden broke free from the men holding him down and picked up his fallen sword, slaughtering all in his way.
I felt tears streaming down my face as I realized Tody was dead. No no no! I couldn’t lose Toby too! Toby was all I have left!
I remember a spell I had come across as I had studied magic. It was very dangerous and would get me killed if I failed but at this point, I didn’t care about the cost.
I started chanting quickly, and the world around started glowing brightly. Toby’s body and I started floating, leaving the ground behind.
I chanted louder and the light grew brighter, the color sucking away from everything. I watched as a glowing version of Toby re-entered his body, the sword disappearing, and his wounds healing.
When we returned to the ground, Eden picked up Tody, who was now sleeping, and we raced into the woods, leaving my childhood home in our dust.
We found Edens horse and cart and Eden put Toby next to me in the cart. The cart bolted forward as he made the horse go into a fast run.
Toby’s eyes opened and he smiled softly. “I got to see Joan.” He said, his voice barely audible. He happily closed his eyes and fell back to sleep.
Months later, I stood over Toby’s bed in our new home in the mountains and watched as he slept. He was sick again.
Apparently, bringing his soul back into his body made it weak. Now Toby would probably be sick off and on for the rest of his life. The illness wasn’t kind either. It usually left him too weak to move around and every cough and ache was incredibly painful. He mostly slept and when he was away he was in too much pain to leave his bed.
I felt guilty as he coughed slightly in his sleep. I did this to him. I brought him back and now he would be alive, but be in pain for the rest of his life.
I thought about what Toby had told me as we left our old home and my guilt thickened. Toby could be with Joan happy in the afterlife, not here dealing with illness constantly.
Have you ever wished you could do something but as soon as the wish comes true you want to go back?
I did. I wished with all my heart to protect Toby and prevent him from meeting the same fate as Joan, but now he will suffer for the rest of his life and never have the life he deserves. I wish I could go back and stop myself but there is no turning back.
I failed. Why can’t I ever seem to win?
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