What We Didn't Have
We didn't have a hideout
Just your house
Or mine
~
We never had "adventures"
Just fun
~
We weren't those fairytale kinds of friends, that shaped each other's worlds
But you still meant the world to me
~
Back then we still smiled
Your dimples
My grin
~
We set our expectations
Not low, but not too high
~
I thought I understood the ins and outs of you and i
It was never quite that simple..
..still don't know why
~
I'm floundering alone here
I'm falling
Through space
~
Inside I'm still the same
Just more confused
~
I thought the world was fairer
I thought the years would slow for just a moment
One small pocket
For us
~
Your words gave mine permission
To exist
To live
~
Your actions always guided mine
Along some surer path
~
The hideout that we didn't have
Might have changed our course
Adventures we skipped out on might have shown us how to force
Our hearts
To fly
~
But broken scraps of "what ifs"
Aren't wishes
Or wings
~
Regret can't overwhelm me
I'm too numb
~
The things I didn't say just might have saved you
Prevented
Prevailed
~
But holding on to "might" and "maybe"
Isn't strong
Enough
To fill the hole your suicide has dug inside my soul
Author Notes: Ps I know it doesn't rhyme
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