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When You Leave My Brother and I Home Alone
When You Leave My Brother and I Home Alone

When You Leave My Brother and I Home Alone

4 Reviews

"Screw you." I said as my older brother lurched forward, grabbing the last Cliff Bar. "Gimme gimme gimme." I begged, trying to snatch the bar. He just danced out of my way, gobbling down bar as he went. "Hmmmm..." my brother said obnoxiously loudly. "So good."

I felt anger boil in my guts. I knew he was prompting a fight, and I knew I was falling for it.

Then it hit me.

The chocolate bar in the drawer. It was the last one, and I'm going to fight tooth and nail for it.

I glanced at my brother's face. I could tell he realized it too.

I sprung out of my frozen stance and dashed for the drawer. I was fast, but my brother was faster. I yanked the drawer open, but he snatched up the chocolate before I could even register that he was even there. The next thing I know, there was chocolate smeared all over my brother's mouth and he smacked his lips, satisfied.

"Oh, you'll pay for that, you little-" I growled. I pounced and tackled. Sadly, my older brother has a much wider and taller frame than I, so I just made him stumble. He chuckled. He pushed me away and sat at the dining table, taking out his phone.

"You pathetic stupid...creature." I seethed.

"My dear sister, have you ever looked in a mirror?" my brother chirped.

My eye twitched, and I took out two yogurts from the fridge. I gave one to myself and the other one to my brother. He opened it and took out a spoon as he checked his texts.

The perfect moment.

I snatched up the yogurt and licked the top. Gross, I know, but you'll be surprised how far people will go for revenge.

I put it down before he could notice. His undivided attention was on his phone. He scooped up one spoonful of yogurt and put it in his mouth.

I laughed.

He made a disgruntled choking sound. "I have mouth herpes." I lied as I snickered. My brother almost threw the yogurt cup in my face and nearly threw up himself. I snorted at his digusted expression before saying "I'm lying, I'm lying, jeez. Keep your chill."

He grunted and put down the cup. Out of nowhere, I said "Hey, you know cold is the absence of heat?" My friend told me that, and I just wanted to flex on him, I guess. Impulsiveness is pretty common for me.

"Hey, you know little sisters is the absence of brain cells?"

I laughed, despite being insulted. He laughed too.

"Did you just declare a Roast War on me?" I asked. We had this inside joke we kept up. Basically, we had to spout roasts at each other until one insult was too much to bear. It was fun, even though we were fighting.

"I don't know. Did I?" he teased. I took that as a yes and cracked my knuckles.

"If I had to kill myself, I would jump from your ego to your intelligence."

He snorted. "Yeah, 'cause you would become a grease spot on my intelligence." He suddenly frowned and cocked his head. "Are you born on the highway? Because that's were most accidents happen."

I scoffed. "The village called. They asked for their idiot. They want it back."

"Did someone accidentally install a bullshit sprinkler in your mouth?"

"Nope. Sometimes I really try to see things from your perspective, but I just can't shove my face up my ass that far."

He exhaled sharply and retorted "If your going to be a two-face, at least make one of them pretty."

I raised one eyebrow. "I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one."

"You're a living proof that Darwin is wrong. Two smarts does make one stupid as fuck human being."

"Well, last time I checked, being dickface isn't a crime. You're free to go."

"If it was, you'd be locked up in the most secure prison in the U.S."

I took out my phone and said "Your nanny must have spent lots of time to teach you so much stupidity."

"Sure, sure, sis. Oh also," he frowned down at his phone, feigning confusion. "The zoo called. They were wondering how you got out of your cage."

"I think I was mistaken for you."

"And I think I should be offended, but the only offending thing is your face."

"Oh really? I would call you dumb right now, but that would be very insulting to all the stupid people out there."

"Oops, sis. I didn't get that. I don't speak caveman."

"So you're...13 years old now, right? How come your reflection didn't run away from you?"

"My reflection didn't run away from me just yet 'cause he didn't see you."

"I thought of you today."

"Oh, really?"

"It reminded to take the trash out."

"Yeah, I know. Your boyfriend is a nice compost bin."

"I'm not sure what makes you such an asshole, but it's working really well."

"Oh really?" he batted his eyelashes. "Yeah, I think I used your perfume this morning by accident. I think it was labeled Eau a la Dipshit?"

I waved off his roast. "Hey, dog breath, if I throw a stick, would you go away?"

"Nope. Now, if you throw some intelligence, I would extremely surprised."

"And chase my intelligence? Not a dick move, bro. You need it."

He glanced up at down, analysing me. "Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. Are you sure you weren't made in China?"

"Sorry to dissapoint, but I'm born in America. But if I could read minds, I'd lose all faith in humanity right now."

"I already did, by just looking at you."

"I would slap you right now, but that would be animal abuse."

This back and forth burns went on for hours. During dinner, during homework, during breakfast...

Yet, deep down, we knew we didn't mean all of these things. We are close, both ways. I wasn't younger than him by that much, and we both looked alike.

"The only thing to hold on in life is each other."

Author Notes: I don't even why I wrote this. To show to love your family, even if they are annoying sometimes? I don't know. XD Thanks for reading!

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29 Mar, 2019
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