Why Me?

When the world looks at me from the outside, they see a healthy teenage girl that seems to have her life together. A girl with a cute bob hair cut, a girl that is easy going, mature for her age, and even-minded.If only that was true. You see when I was 7 I was diagnosed with Lung cancer, and through the next 8 years of my life I was in and out of chemo, but every single time it would seem to go away it would just come roaring back. It seemed like I would never win, but I was a fighter so I just couldn't give. Then finally as I was starting my sophomore year it seems like it was gone forever, so the doctors took me off chemo, and I was finally able to lead a normal teenage life. If only that was true...

Not even halfway through the school year, I started having trouble breathing, and I terrified that it was back. So it was back to the hospital, and that when my worst nightmare became reality... The cancer was back, but it was also worst than ever. In fact, it was doing (and did) the worst thing that cancer can do, spread. You see it had spread to my brain. That when the doctor said the thing that all cancer patients are terrified to hear, that I was terminal... and I only had 6-10 months left to live. And that the cancer was not reacting to the chemo or radiation, so there was no hope, I would be dead before I reached my senior year.

I don't even know where to start to explain the emotions and thoughts that raced through my mind when I learned the development. I don't even know it is possible to explain. It was a lot of mixed emotions, I felt fear, grief, horror, and sadness at the same time, it hard to explain. I guess it just one of those things that you only truly understand after you experience it for yourself. My mom was in the room when the doctor told us, and I could tell she was trying to stay strong for my sake, I know I was not strong during that moment, but how could anyone in my shoes be strong during that moment. But I know my mom was only acting to be strong because she cried that night when we got home, she thought I was asleep.

The thing that really bugs me is that you don't realize how much you take your life for granted until you know it will end soon. Because when you have limited time, that when you truly try to make the most of it. So instead of doing meaningless things like spend all day on your phone, you try to enjoy life, which is hard, especially since it can be so unfair. When I was still on chemo I was often asked how I could be so happy while I was fighting for my life, and it because I chose to be because I didn't want to sit and be depressed all day, I wanted to try and enjoy life like a normal kid as much as I could. But that was before I knew my life was ticking away faster.

The next day when I went downstairs for breakfast, my mother was making her homemade pancakes, just like she always does on Sunday morning, Honestly, that morning was no different from any other Sunday morning at our house. Which is kind of ironic, but I guess it's better to act like everything is ok and normal, than to live out the rest of my life in self-pity, and sadness. But I knew underneath the 'everything is ok' act, we both were slowing sinking down a dark hole of sadness and despair as time ticked on past.

Author Notes: Please rate, and tell me what you think and if I should write another chapter. By the way, this story is made up and is fiction.

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