United States • 23 y/o • MaleReviews Received
Yay!! I LOVE fire and I LOVE your story!! :)
But sometimes fire is too hot.
Great poem! I love how peaceful it is.
I enjoy the way you depict power and authority and how no one can ever have it all and not become corrupt. This poem explores what it means to be human and forces us to evaluate our own morality. Thanks for writing!
I especially like this line:
I Took the route to have all leader bloods
run and spill out to show who they really are
This poem reminds me of many things. The first is Jesus and the grace of God because you repeat how the shame has been washed- a concept that's used repeatedly to describe how our shame and past are all washed away through His grace.
I also love how you say "there's a rainbow in your heart" and describe all the negative as outside and positive as inside, hinting that goodness comes from within. I like how you said the "life in survived trees" because that hints there's been a massive storm and it stripped everything away until there was only the goodness left. Beautiful metaphors in this poem.
It also reminds me of the song After The Rain by Rev Theory, so that's good, too. Sometimes, storms do indeed bring clarity.
That really lovely ðŸ˜
Not 'too' far away rather than 'not to far away.'
'Blood was seeping into the snow' rather than 'blood was fading into the snow.' It would trickle down rather than turn pale.
Had you described the man flailing trying to retrieve his lost knife before striking back, then the action would've flowed better. You're descriptions of the fight are tense and fast moving, but bear in mind what I've written and you're writing will improve.
