United Kingdom • 63 y/o • MaleReviews Given
I'm not sure why you chose to present your work in such a form as it was unnecessary (and a little confusing, to be honest)
Overall the poem is good, if a little overlong and slightly repetitive in places. A like your imagination and your use of words. You clearly take a great deal of care over your work and choose your words carefully. There are some who could learn a thing or two from you :-)
Well done and keep writing. It's a pleasure to read your work.
Sweet and touching. Lovely!
This is all rather esoteric for my taste. Of its kind, it is not a bad poem. I hope to read more from you that is perhaps grounded in real life rather than fantasy perhaps?
Well, haven't we been here before?
There is no STRUCTURE to you story; no PLOT, no characterisation to speak of, no sense of purpose or meaning. It reads like a draft excerpt of something else you might have been working on. What is ISN'T is a proper story, far from it. Even the title makes no sense as it appears to have no relevance to the 'story'.
I will concede that you do at least appear to have taken a little more care with your spelling. I didn't notice as many errors as in previous works, so well done for that.
It might have helped the story a little if you'd mentioned how the infection began; whether it was an outbreak of a disease or something along those lines. The idea is actually quite good: it needs a little more 'polish' to make it into a very good story.
Nice effort, though. Well done :-)
Not quite sure what to make of either of these vignettes. Both if them could do with expanding in to proper, 100-word micro fiction tales. Alternately they would benefit from further work. As they stand, they are largely pointless I'm afraid... :-(
The use of numerals in your story really jars when reading it. It's bad practice...
The story was quite engaging, if a tad 'log-winded' in places: the decision to walk home; entering the woods, for instance. I guess you were trying to build suspense but for me, it doesn't really work.
The 'scary' part of the story is told so quickly and with so little reaction from two very young kids (no screams of fear; no panic, for instance?) undermines the whole story and makes it ultimately unbelievable.
What is evident from your writing is the emergence of a budding storyteller :-) Keep writing, keep practicing and take on board the advice offered and I think you'll tell us all some amazing tales in time
Some of your couplets are a little 'forced', but overall this is an interesting poem.