United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
The 'cuteness' factor of your story is what saves this from being just another mundane story about getting old. It is well told with a touch of humour and maybe a little pathos, too?
One or two punctuation and spelling errors mar your piece, especially the use of 'ipad'. Please ensure you check your work thoroughly before submission. Other than that minor criticism a very creditable effort :-)
As I am a devotee of the last line's life philosophy I should live to a ripe old age!
Good fun!
The problem I feel with your story is that it all feels a little rushed: as if you have tried to get all of your ideas on paper before you forget them. This leaves some of your scenes a little 'light' in content, leaving the reader having to fill in a lot of the gaps. A little more time taken to flesh-out parts of your story will improve it immeasurably.
On the whole, though, there is the basis here of a good series of stories. I would like to see you trust your story-telling talent more than you do at present to tell a really great story :-)
An entertaining read spoiled by the frequent and unnecessary use of bold font (the same effect can be gained from using italics). Overall, though, good fun, reminiscent of the detective novels of the 1930s.
This poem was written by one Cheryl L. Costello-Forshey in 1998. The following link will take you to more info about her:
http://cherylcostelloforshey.com/about_the_author/index.html
An interesting idea that needs considerably more work to make it into a great story. The whole idea was too big to condense into so few words, which gives your story a somewhat rushed and unfinished feel. However, a good effort nonetheless.
I very much look forward to reading more from you in due course.
As someone who has been known to pen a haiku or two (!!) I looked forward to reading your poems. I got the feeling that haiku is not something that you are entirely comfortable writing as they all felt a little 'forced' and contrived: little natural flow to your words.
I would, though, like to read more of your work. I look forward to it :-)
Wonderfully evocative! I love the way you build up the tension and feeling of paranoia in your principal character. This is terrific writing.
My only slight 'criticism' is to question whether your story is suitable for readers as young as twelve? Other than that, superb!