Take a little more care with your punctuation and spelling as it mars your story.
One point of note: it is not good practice to use numerals in prose. One should always spell the number in full i.e. 'two-thirty' for 2.30.
Fabulous! (later edit 11/05/16)) Having re-read this I 'saw' more than the first time. Although not my 'cup of tea' I appreciate your skill in writing in this genre. You have a fabulous imagination, which comes across vividly in your story.
This story was very close to being rejected on the basis of your poor spelling - again!
PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING BEFORE SUBMITTING FUTHER WORK.
You have some good ideas for your stories, but I get the impression you are not too keen on properly developing them. They always feel a little rushed, which is a pity. This is probably why you leave so many spelling mistakes in them.
Take time to re-read your work. Have more faith and confidence in your writing skills and TAKE MORE CARE!
PLEASE take more care with your spelling. You have left spaces in certain words where a hyphen should be. Other than that, although short and slightly peculiar, this is a reasonable little effort. :-) Well done!
This is actually rather intriguing. I hope it is the beginning of a series of pieces or the start of a longer story... The reason I say that is that you have successfully negotiated the trickiest of hurdles when writing a story: grabbing the readers' attention and HOLDING IT. Well done!
I look forward to reading more from you in the future.