Andy (Formerly Apemann)

You won't thank me for saying so, but, really, it is not the end of the world at your age. It only feels like it :-) Every single person who reads your poem will have gone through - or will go through - what you are feeling. It's a painful but necessary part of growing up and learning about life.

I echo what Entangled Fate advised you: enjoy being young; go out and have fun. There is time enough to fall in love and endure all that that brings!

A nice poem with your feeling expressed well.

An interesting idea that needs considerably more work to make it into a great story. The whole idea was too big to condense into so few words, which gives your story a somewhat rushed and unfinished feel. However, a good effort nonetheless.

I very much look forward to reading more from you in due course.

The problem I feel with your story is that it all feels a little rushed: as if you have tried to get all of your ideas on paper before you forget them. This leaves some of your scenes a little 'light' in content, leaving the reader having to fill in a lot of the gaps. A little more time taken to flesh-out parts of your story will improve it immeasurably.

On the whole, though, there is the basis here of a good series of stories. I would like to see you trust your story-telling talent more than you do at present to tell a really great story :-)

There are big plusses in your story and some small negatives (in my opinion), but overall an interesting and engaging story. Personally I found the clichéd, nineteen-thirties/forties style of speech a bit old-fashioned and unoriginal.

Overall, a creditable effort and I'll certainly be looking out for more of your work :-)

An entertaining read spoiled by the frequent and unnecessary use of bold font (the same effect can be gained from using italics). Overall, though, good fun, reminiscent of the detective novels of the 1930s.

Some of your punctuation is wrongly placed, which makes reading your narrative somewhat 'jumpy' as it doesn't flow as smoothly as it ought to. However, it is an entertaining story and a peek into life as a teen back in your youth :-)

Your story has many imperfections, which I attribute to English not being your first language. On the whole it is a fair attempt at an interesting subject, in spite of the sometimes 'preachy' tone you have used. Please bear in mind that people read to be entertained, not moralised to...

An interesting story, but at times is far too detailed to maintain reader interest. The minutiae of your telling is a tad tiresome and slows the pace of the story almost to a dead-stop in places. However, as an insight into social history it is revealing. Thank you.