Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Regrettably not all of your poems follow the true haiku 5-7-5 syllables rule. However, an interesting - if somewhat macabre - collection.

Interesting poem. Your credits in the 'author's notes' box are unnecessary...

A nice poem - but take more care with your punctuation. I look forward to reading more of your work in future :-)

I found the semi-religious undertone to this story somewhat off-putting, especially the 'preachy' last three paragraphs. They were annoying and unnecessary.

Overall, though, a nicely thought-through story told quite well. A creditable effort!

This is all rather esoteric for my taste. Of its kind, it is not a bad poem. I hope to read more from you that is perhaps grounded in real life rather than fantasy perhaps?

Some of the word choices in your story ("CHASMS in your face" - "FONDLING your coarse hair" - "With FLOCKING tears " - "Approaching QUAKE of footsteps") jarred with me. What should have been a memorably poignant piece of writing was spoilt by clumsy and inappropriate word use. Sometime the simplest phrasing is the most meaningful instead of 'overdramatising' with unnecessary descriptions.

Overall though, I liked the piece. A sensitive subject well handled.

This is a hard one to review. On the one hand your writing is eloquent and engaging. On the other, though, I am left questioning the actual POINT of your story?

Your story doesn't appear to have any point or purpose, which is what has left me somewhat baffled. To write something for the sake of it is a waste of time (and talent!), which is what it feels like you have done here.

I look forward to reading more from you, and hopefully understanding it, too :-)

An interesting story marred by clumsy punctuation and spelling errors, which suggest that you did not take the time to read through your work before submitting it. It would also appear that you did not thoroughly read the submission guidelines as there are presentation issues too...

Your story-telling is good, but at times a little rushed which leaves gaps in your plot and narrative. Overall, though, not a bad beginning. Take more care with future chapters and you'll produce an engaging, entertaining story.