Andy (Formerly Apemann)

The problem with this style of writing is that it has very limited 'audience appeal'. There is nothing wrong writing for a niche market, of course, but why limit yourself when you have talent that deserves to be seen by the many rather than the few? Maybe something to think about for future submissions...

You story is well told - but your clumsiness with punctuation spoils your work. Take more time and care to CHECK your work before submitting it. I would also advise that you read again our submission guidelines as there are several instances in your story where they have not been followed... You are talented young writer: if you take more care and pay more attention to what you are doing you will be a very good writer one day.

First off, the use of numerals in prose is not good practice, as noted in the Submission Guidelines. Please remember for future submissions...

There are some good points to your story but overall, it's all a bit heavy-handed and somewhat stilted. You would have benefitted from showing your story around to friends and family for comments to iron-out some of the 'awkward' parts.

Overall, though, a fair effort. I look forward to reading future submissions :-)

I feel your writing talent is being misdirected. Clearly you have a headful of stories that you would like to tell. With some guidance and advice you could become a good writer. In order to do so, though, you need to take more care with your writing and to pay more attention to detail. Much of what you write is good, but it is spoiled by a rather slap-dash approach. I would like to see your stories being praised for their content AND presentation - and I'll be the lead cheerleader when they are :-)

I quite liked the premise of your story. However, I found the unnecessary time references off-putting and the rather clunky "she goes" and "she comes" and so on also jarred. There are many good points to your story: I hope you will submit more of your work soon.

An interesting premise for a story. Well done. Try to take a little more care with your punctuation (can't for cant, for instance) as it spoils your good work.

I'm really not sure what to make of your poem. Some of your imagery is quite clever and descriptive... but I wonder if it's appropriate in the context you intend it?

I can see that there is a budding poet here; I hope to read more of your work soon :-)

This was an interesting story - until the unnecessary last line. For me, it completely killed the tension and drama of what had gone previously, which is a real shame. On the whole, though, an engaging submission.