Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Given that you told most of your story in your introduction I didn't feel that it was necessary for me to read the actual story. Please read my piece 'How to Write a Teaser'. It will be of benefit to you...

Your story sends a strong moral message in an interesting and engaging manner that does not patronise your reader. That is to your credit.

There are some grammar and punctuation errors that need correcting, which your computer's spell-checker and thesaurus will help with.

Overall a good piece. I look forward to reading more from you soon :-)

A couple of silly and unnecessary spelling mistakes spoil and otherwise entertaining and engaging story. Using your computer's spell-check facility will help highlight such errors before submission. Overall, though, very good work.

A very dour and downbeat offering. Many will relate I'm sure...

Although this 'story' has been approved for publication it is not rally what the site was set up for. However, as there already similar works published it would not be fair to reject your work. I must, though, make you aware that future works in a similar vein or theme will not be accepted. One further note: please read my piece 'How to Write a Teaser'. It might prove helpful to you...

An interesting premise for a story. Well done. Try to take a little more care with your punctuation (can't for cant, for instance) as it spoils your good work.

Sums up what it means to be a teenager in a few words. Clever and creative. I hope we see more of your work soon.

The problem with this style of writing is that it has very limited 'audience appeal'. There is nothing wrong writing for a niche market, of course, but why limit yourself when you have talent that deserves to be seen by the many rather than the few? Maybe something to think about for future submissions...

This was a good idea that you did not really explore to its full potential. As good as this story is as it stands, with a little more thought and consideration it could have been so much better. Fleshing-out your characters and the drama of what had happened to them to bring them to the situation you describe would give your little tale more impact.

I hope you will write more stories for us to read in future :-)