Andy (Formerly Apemann)

An interesting premise for a story. Well done. Try to take a little more care with your punctuation (can't for cant, for instance) as it spoils your good work.

I'm really not sure what to make of your poem. Some of your imagery is quite clever and descriptive... but I wonder if it's appropriate in the context you intend it?

I can see that there is a budding poet here; I hope to read more of your work soon :-)

This was an interesting story - until the unnecessary last line. For me, it completely killed the tension and drama of what had gone previously, which is a real shame. On the whole, though, an engaging submission.

You won't thank me for saying so, but, really, it is not the end of the world at your age. It only feels like it :-) Every single person who reads your poem will have gone through - or will go through - what you are feeling. It's a painful but necessary part of growing up and learning about life.

I echo what Entangled Fate advised you: enjoy being young; go out and have fun. There is time enough to fall in love and endure all that that brings!

A nice poem with your feeling expressed well.

You have some nice ideas in your writing and a good imagination. This does not, though, always come across as successfully as it should do. The main problem is your use of certain words: like many young and novice writers, you pepper your work with 'big' or 'clever' words to try and make your piece sound more 'intellectual', which frequently has the opposite effect.

Write in your own voice, as you would normally speak. There is no need - or benefit to you - in writing in a style that is not naturally you. Also, take care with your spelling and grammar as this spoils your work. Do not use numerals either (see the Submission Guidelines).

There is a budding storyteller in you. Keep writing, keep practicing and take on-board the advice offered to you. I look forward to reading more from you soon :-)

There is an underlying bitterness in your words that suggests that your 'best friend' is perhaps not the sort of friend you want..?

Although not strictly a story (a work of fiction) this was a well-presented piece. I hope you'll send us more of your work very soon.

This was a good idea that you did not really explore to its full potential. As good as this story is as it stands, with a little more thought and consideration it could have been so much better. Fleshing-out your characters and the drama of what had happened to them to bring them to the situation you describe would give your little tale more impact.

I hope you will write more stories for us to read in future :-)

An interesting idea that needs considerably more work to make it into a great story. The whole idea was too big to condense into so few words, which gives your story a somewhat rushed and unfinished feel. However, a good effort nonetheless.

I very much look forward to reading more from you in due course.