Andy (Formerly Apemann)

This piece needs a serious edit! I counted the work 'park' FIVE times in the first two paragraphs! That is just plain bad writing I'm afraid. I gave up on your story at that point as it did not seem worthwhile continuing.

Please CHECK your work before submitting it. Get someone to read it and give you honest feedback, but most importantly CARE about it. If you don't, why should anybody else??

Unfortunately, due to the sheer weight of punctuation and spelling errors in this piece, I was unable to read it through. It was too annoying!

I get so fed-up with people who cannot be bothered to take a couple of extra minutes to DOUBLE-CHECK their work or run spell-checker BEFORE submitting it. It is laziness, pure and simple.

If YOU do not take your work seriously then why should I or anybody else??

Clearly you are not one to take advice as you have previously been told about using numerals in your work...

This piece tries to be clever and inventive but actually ends up being tiresome and repetitive and, to be brutally frank, rather boring. It doesn't really have anything particularly interesting to say which has me wondering what is was you were actually trying to put across?

Sadly this falls in to the category of writing that feels a tad too self-important for its own good to the point that nobody other than the person who wrote it can make head or tail of it... A waste of your talent I'm afraid.

To some extent I agree with Pietroshek's review. The presentation of your work is very annoying to read, what with all the silly and unnecessary dots... In addition your poor punctuation is jarring and the shortness of the various chapters you have thus far submitted make the whole exercise somewhat of a trial.

I suggest that you look again at your submissions - and look again at the site's submission guidelines - and decide whether they are presented as the BEST you can do. Re-editing and resubmitting as one or two longer pieces would possibly be a better option. There are other areas you can also improve upon with a little care and attention to detail.

Leaving aside the fact that - again - this is NOT a story, what you have offered us need editing to make it more palatable to read. It is a solid block of text, which is not nice to try to plow through. In addition you have ignored the submission guidelines with regard to using numerals in your work. It is not good practice to do so and should be avoided.

As I have said before, you write well. I just wish you would turn your skills to something more interesting and entertaining. You are wasting your time with this sort of stuff, really.

Whatever message you were trying to get across in this poem completely passed me by. It feels hectoring and 'preachy' and incomplete; rather like you had a partially-formed idea but ran out of steam half-way through.

Your poetry is somewhat esoteric in style and content. That's fine, to an extent, but if you want your talent to be appreciated your work needs to be accessible to a wider audience. I cannot comment on whether your work is good, bad or indifferent. All I CAN do is comment on MY reaction to and feelings about what I have read.

Okay, it's clear that you have a good vocabulary. What is not so clear is the way you have chosen to exercise it in this confusing puzzle of a poem. The line "To regurgitate hidden lusts of beauty" makes no sense whatsoever! I am all for experimental works, but when it reads like nonsense I have to question the 'why' of it's composition?