Andy (Formerly Apemann)

Thank you for your story. There is the basis here for a good story, but your rushed approach to your writing and the lack of attention to basic detail (punctuation, spelling, grammar) spoil your work. More care and attention will help you write a better story and also present it in a more acceptable and pleasing manner. The use of capitals is horrible.

Again, as with your other work. you ignore the basic rules of writing, which spoils everything you do. This could have been so much better had you taken the time to work on it properly and correcting all of the many errors that are strewn throughout the piece.

An interesting idea that was, unfortunately, poorly executed. Trying to tell such a 'big' story in so few words was always going to be a big ask. You would have been better served, perhaps, by working your story into several chapters or parts, which would have allowed you to expand on your ideas in greater detail.

"The way your smile can protrude any boulder."

Up to this line your poem was quite entertaining and interesting. This line, though, kills it completely. It's meaningless and silly...

An 'unwritten rule' of writing, especially poetry, is that if you have to 'force' the line to come, it probably isn't going to work. This appears to be the case here. However, the rest of the poem works well, which saves it from being a disaster :-)

This story was very close to being rejected on the basis of your poor spelling - again!

PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPELLING BEFORE SUBMITTING FUTHER WORK.

You have some good ideas for your stories, but I get the impression you are not too keen on properly developing them. They always feel a little rushed, which is a pity. This is probably why you leave so many spelling mistakes in them.

Take time to re-read your work. Have more faith and confidence in your writing skills and TAKE MORE CARE!

I am a fan of experimental works, but when it is so 'out there' as to be meaningless it undermines whatever you are attempting to achieve. There is little in your poem that allows readers to engage with your words, which is a pity. Poetry should invoke some sort of reaction other than leaving people wondering what the heck they have just read :-0

You are better than this effort. Not your finest hour, in my opinion :-)

You have written better poems than this one. This just does not work for me.

I am a fan of your work on the whole, but this one had me scratching my head. Not one of your better ones...