United States • 50 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Although the subject matter isn't something that I (a) have any experience of and (b) have no interest in I felt compelled to read your story to the end. I quite liked you 'conversational' writing style, which I found quite engaging.
I would caution, though, against using slang terms (see the Submission Guidelines) as they left me baffled. Also, the use of numerals in prose is bad practice (again, refer to the Submission Guidelines) and should be avoided. Overall, I enjoyed your writing and look forward to reading more from you.
The use of numerals in your story really jars when reading it. It's bad practice...
The story was quite engaging, if a tad 'log-winded' in places: the decision to walk home; entering the woods, for instance. I guess you were trying to build suspense but for me, it doesn't really work.
The 'scary' part of the story is told so quickly and with so little reaction from two very young kids (no screams of fear; no panic, for instance?) undermines the whole story and makes it ultimately unbelievable.
What is evident from your writing is the emergence of a budding storyteller :-) Keep writing, keep practicing and take on board the advice offered and I think you'll tell us all some amazing tales in time
I thought the story was okay. There were a few grammatical errors that created a few 'hiccups' for me.
Overall the story was fine but, I think in this one extremely rare case I slightly agree with Apemann. Other than that it was good.
i liked the effort you put into the story i liked the story but i would have liked it more if you added more detail
It is a good poem.