United Kingdom • 21 y/o • FemaleReviews Received
Very good
Work one your grammar and be sure you had some suspense . But it is pretty good.
I agree with this on a personal level.
Please take this as constructive criticism, as this is good for such a young writer.
Why does he ask "did someone live here twenty years ago?" He would more likely say "who lived here before us?" He must know they didn't build the house themselves, and if not then obviously someone lived there before them. The question is who were they? Mum could say in reply exactly when the last occupants left.
I wish I had a friend like that
I like this.
I really relate to this. I love it. One thing that might be better is if instead of "I then say I'm sorry" it says "you listen as I say I'm sorry" because I feel like most of this poem is directed to "you". Most lines start with "you" and so on and so forth. So continuing with that seems more natural.
Still, I love the emotions behind this.
absolutely