United States • 27 y/o • MaleReviews Received
Clearly you are not one to take advice as you have previously been told about using numerals in your work...
This piece tries to be clever and inventive but actually ends up being tiresome and repetitive and, to be brutally frank, rather boring. It doesn't really have anything particularly interesting to say which has me wondering what is was you were actually trying to put across?
Sadly this falls in to the category of writing that feels a tad too self-important for its own good to the point that nobody other than the person who wrote it can make head or tail of it... A waste of your talent I'm afraid.
Don't listen to Andy. Hes completely and totally wrong,this has a wonderfully beautiful message to tell and I love how you used an egg as an example super creative and brilliant. Keep on writing and don't let mean and untrue comments make you stop writing!(And I get that i'm 11 and someone who most people would call immature and not the best writer but whatever I love your story!) There should be a 6 star because this one deserves 6 not 5 stars!
As mentioned to you in private, the sheer length of this piece is daunting and will most certainly put-off a lot of people.
There are other issues, too: some of the language is flowery in the extreme, to the point of being almost unintelligible. I understand what you were trying to do, but you need to bear in mind that not everyone will 'go with you' on your literary journey.
The over-use of italics, too, is annoying - and goes against the site's Submission Guidelines. It's annoying and, to my mind, somewhat pretentious. Have you ever read a book where about two-thirds of the text was written in an entirely different font to the rest of the story?
You ARE a good writer, but this effort in its present form is not your finest hour.
I completely agree with Aspen-Faye, this story is beautifully written. Even though it is written based on a person, an egg is a great comparison to what you are writing about. It is a beautiful piece and I believe that you should keep writing stories in the future! (Don't mind rude comments, just focus on the good ones and ones that are trying to help you in a nice way.) You have gotten a wonderful message across through an amazing story, keep up the good work!