United States • 19 y/oReviews Received
Eh... I feel like the prices just didn't match up too well. I mean like, $24.45 for a house? $1.00 for a TENT? I just don't feel like it's realistic.
And there wasn't much of a lesson to be learned from this. It was heartwarming that the family got back together again but you didn't give much information about where the dad went so I couldn't really feel like... I don't know... happy that they were reunited? I felt more confused.
And what did they trade the lady?? They didn't really have anything to trade! Maybe that's the lesson of the story: "Don't believe everyone you meet on the street."
(It rhymes too!)
Sorry for making an actual paragraph about this. I think that it was a great story showing that there's always hope. Even if it seems like you'll never truly have a home... Your dad that abandoned you for 5 years can always return.
Great job!!!
Wow, the housing market must have taken a hefty hit being the property cost only $24.45 (unless this takes place back about four centuries ago, which means that the price of wheat was sky-high for it's time).
This seems too loose and has many holes. There wasn't a tie-in for the change of pace as to how the mother got the job or why the father was gone. There's a beginning, middle and end, but how does it fit? How did all of it become what it did?
Alright, alright, I got into it. I like the concept.
For the intro, the repetition is nice, but it's too much repetition in my opinion. Perhaps if it had a break in it like,
"The ghost in my room talks to me
The ghost no one believes
The ghost in my room that helped me clean
The ghost that went away..."
Feel me on that?
Also I see a lot of filler words that elongates the progression of this work.
Killer ending though. Just reading the last line by itself is great.
It was beautiful but I think you made a mistake on writing story it support to be a poetry.
ooo i like this one. i have a bunny and he can be creepy sometimes because HE NEVER BLINKS.
It was beautiful! I really loved the story thanks for making this wonderful thing ðŸ˜
I really enjoyed your story. Well done.
Great story you are a great star I loved your story keep up the good job. ðŸ˜