IanG

Most people are a mix of faults and virtues. Most people have been right about some things and wrong about others. Unfortunately we are taught that everyone is pure good or pure evil, and that's got worse over the last few years. If taken too far, it leads to people being expected to be better than anyone on this planet ever has been or ever could be. You may not be right all the time, but you could still be right about things that matter.

In my country, the United Kingdom, crash helmets for motorcyclists have been compulsory for decades. Then again laws in other countries may be different. If the scenario won't work today could you set it in the past? Countries that make helmets compulsory now may not always have done so. The twist would then be a good one.

You've done a good job of evoking the atmosphere in that kitchen. You used the crossings out well too.

You could cut 'by any stretch of the imagination' and still convey the essential point. Nonetheless its a good portrayal of a man too proud to ask for help. Our culture puts a lot of pressure on us to be perfect but few if any of us are.

Draco's feelings in this piece are very convincing. It fits well with the original stories. I recall that at the very end of 'Deathly Hallows' Harry glimpses Draco at the station, but while they're not friendly they don't show fear of each other. That being so the bit about him trying to reform fits too.

You convey well how, as she grows up a bit, she becomes more aware of a wider world beyond her own home.
With the mushrooms, are you trying to show that she's a nature lover with a deep knowledge of her environment? As to how necessary it is, that depends on whether a deep knowledge of nature is important in a later episode. It also depends on what you and your readers are interested it. We don't all like the same things.

It was tense and convincing.
Just one thing, in Britain the lifeboat would turn out even in a storm. Perhaps its different in Florida on account of storms being more intense, but in Britain people sometimes think they wouldn't launch a lifeboat in a storm, and they do. Even professionals don't always find casualties on dark nights, but they try.

Thanks for sharing it, I found it amusing.